Dreams that Haunt
by alphabetcookie
Summary: Deeks must face things he thought he'd put behind him and buried long ago, but some things leave permanent scars. Will he let Kensi in when his dark past comes back to haunt him? Some Densi :D
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, this is my first ever attempt at fanfic or even at writing anything at all so I'd really appreciate any feedback, reviews etc that you care to give. Should I continue the story or give up now and go back to reading fanfic only? Any constructive feedback would be welcomed, wow I'm so nervous!**

**Disclaimer: While I am Australian, I'm not a man nor is my name Shane Brennan, soooo... not mine.**

Detective Marty Deeks awoke with a start. Limbs tangled in sweat soaked sheets, he was glad only Monty witnessed his falling out of bed with an undignified thud. 'Damn it!' he said, running his fingers through his sweaty blonde hair frustrated, 'Again?'

He'd been having the same basic dream over and over for a little more than a year, ever since Hetty had told him his father was dead, with one notable exception. During the three weeks he had recently spent undercover posing as a married couple with his partner Kensi , he had been given a blessed reprieve from the haunting dreams.

He convinced himself that this was simply because sharing a bed with someone was somehow comforting on a subconscious level and had nothing to do with who he had been sharing the bed with. He mentally skated over the fact that the few times in the past year he'd brought home a girl the dreams had still come. He wasn't ready to acknowledge that it may have been Kensi herself that kept the dreams away, those types of thoughts led down twisty and complicated paths that he couldn't deal with right now.

Monty whimpered concerned to see his master so distressed. Deeks looked over at his beloved companion, softening his voice to reassure the old dog 'I'm okay Monty, it was just a dream, just a dream', he tried to reassure himself at the same time. Monty licked Deeks' face startling a laugh out of the man and ran into the kitchen in a clear request for breakfast.

'Okay, okay, I hear you', Deeks untangled the last of himself from the damp sheets and followed Monty into the kitchen. Feeding Monty he watched the dog gobble the food thinking. Now he was awake standing in the grey light indicating dawn was near, it was easy to reassure himself it was just a dream.

It was vivid and realistic, but then it was every time the dream repeated itself in the night, like some kind of sick movie on a constant repeat. Shaking himself out of his reverie he decided a quick surf was in order. It would be just what he needed to shake the lingering memories of the dream and prepare for the day ahead.

Deeks breathed a sigh of relief as the foamy waves washed around his ankles, he was _home._ The salt and seaweed smell in the air, rough sand underfoot and the tide pulling at his body beckoning him further into the sea made everything else wash away. The sheer magnitude and force of the great Pacific ocean put everything in perspective, he was but one small part of a much greater whole and the problems that seemed so insurmountable before now looked a little more realistic.

Surfing calmed his mind and allowed him the focus to prepare for the day ahead. If he wasn't concentrating Mother Nature had no problem dumping him off his board into the rough sea, it was a lesson he learnt well and took seriously, in his line of work if he wasn't focused it could but people he loved in danger even killed. People he loved like a family of course.

This train of thought led inevitably to Kensi. He busily tried to rationalise that he thought of her like a sister '_wait no, maybe not a sister, I don't think it's right to remember lingering cover kisses with sisters quite like that'_, okay friend, she was a really good friend, _'hmm, I don't really tend to flirt so much with friends, nor do I worry about them so much nor want to make them happy...crap!'. _

Deeks paid for his wandering attention by getting dumped head-first into turbulent water. Spluttering up a mouthful of seawater he shook out his shaggy hair and mentally settled on _'Partner, I care about her like a partner'. _Focused once again on his surroundings he decided to head home. The sun was now will above the horizon and if he wanted to shower before work he really should head back now.

Reaching the beach he pulled his cell phone out of his 'bro-bag' and checked for any missed calls. There was one from OPS and one from Kensi, he wasn't yet late for work so he knew something must be going on. 'Eric, what's up?' he asked after dialling OPS on the way back to his car.

'Deeks, we need you to come in ASAP, something's come up you need to see'

'Um, yeah ok, just give me half an hour to shower and get there?' Deeks said, calculating how long until he could get to the mission.

'Actually, Hetty says to make it sooner, you can shower here' Eric replied, his voice tense. There was something he wasn't saying.

'Eric what's this about? Is Kensi okay?' Deeks said concern clear in his voice, he tried to quell the rising panic in his chest, his thoughts immediately going to the other call he had missed.

'No, no Kensi's fine she was just calling to see if you wanted a ride, she's here already now, well not here in Ops here but like down in the bullpen here, I think she brought doughnuts. Don't you think it's weird how it's called a bullpen, I mean I wonder where that came from, I mean it doesn't really..'

'ERIC!' Deeks cut of his ramble mid sentence, 'Tell me whats going on or I'll tell Kensi you stole all her Twinkies!'

After a brief horrified silence Eric cleared his throat and said 'It's about your mother, the cold case into her murder has just been warmed up'.

**OK, thats my attempt. Continue or don't bother? Please review and let me know**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thankyou doesn't even begin to explain how much i appreciate the feedback for my first chapter, it gave me such an amazing boost to know that people were actually reading and enjoying something i wrote, especially since i'd not written before. So thankyou so, so much to everyone who reviewed and gave me the confidence to keep going with this story, I hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: Still a woman, name still not Shane Brennan, still don't own NCIS LA**

Fifteen minutes and two almost-car-crashes later Deeks strode purposefully into the old mission an uncharacteristically serious look on his face. The bullpen was deserted and Deeks knew everyone was probably already upstairs waiting for him. Kensi met him at the top of the stairs looking at him critically.

'Hey partner!' She took in his damp clothes and wet hair, missing his expression, 'I know Hetty wanted us in ASAP but you're still dripping, couldn't you at least have dried off properly?' Awaiting a response she seemed to finally take in his expression, a look of concern darkening her mismatched eyes. 'Deeks, what's wrong?' Deeks opened his mouth to reply, though he really didn't know what to say, only to be interrupted by Hetty sneaking up behind him as only she could.

'We are waiting, if you would care to join us, Mr Deeks, Ms Blye. I called you in early for a reason'

'Sorry Hetty', they chorused together walking past her into the blue dimness of Ops.

Everyone took their usual positions waiting for briefing to start. Looking around the room at three confused faces and three grim ones, Deeks knew Sam, Callen and Kensi had no idea why they had been called in so urgently.

Kensi, Deeks knew, didn't appreciate being out of the loop and the annoyance showed clearly on her face. More prominent however was the concern he saw, a sentiment echoed in Hetty's features.

Deeks wasn't looking forward to what he knew was coming up. There was a reason he rarely spoke about his past and now, thanks to whatever new development had brought them together this morning, his history was about to become common knowledge amongst those he considered his family.

He was afraid, he realised with slight surprise. He was afraid of what they would say, what they would think and how it might affect the relationships he'd worked hard to build since joining NCIS as a liaison almost two years ago.

The thing about having a family like the one he'd been born into is that you stopped believing very early on that they would love you no matter what, simply because they were family. He had finally found a place and people with whom he felt like he belonged, he didn't want to lose that so soon after finding it.

'Mr Beale, Miss Jones, if you please?' said Hetty indicating with a wave to begin the briefing.

'Okay, June 1992, five women from the San Fernando Valley region, specifically from the Reseda area were reported missing over a 4 week period. The LAPD received an anonymous tip off that the disappearances were linked and the women had been murdered. Three of the bodies were never found, one eventually found so badly burned that no forensic evidence could be found. The last woman taken was one Mary Elisabeth Brandel, 33 years old, her body was found relatively intact.' Eric typed quickly on his tablet and brought up a picture of Mary.

'She had been badly beaten and strangled before being dumped in a playground.' She looked younger than her 33 years with long blonde hair and piercing blue eyes.

Kensi seeing the picture thought she must have been very beautiful once, before life hardened her so. Her eyes were familiar and looking into them she suddenly understood who she must be and what was eating at her partner. She looked over at Deeks standing near her as always, he was determinedly focused on the big screen, arms crossed over his chest as if to protect his heart from the memories.

His blue eyes she loved so much, she knew now were from his mother, but at the moment they were stormy, troubled and dark. She wanted to reach out a comforting hand but instinctively knew that must wait until they were alone, if she touched him now, she was afraid he would break apart.

Deeks had already heard these facts so many times before he knew the case file by heart. Somehow hearing it all again in Eric's calm voice in front of those he held dearest made it all seem fresh and real all over again like he was hearing it over for the first time. Oblivious to Deeks' internal conflict Eric continued the briefing.

'Forensic evidence was able to be retrieved, specifically DNA but at the time the technology was in its infancy and nothing ever came it. No arrests were made and eventually it became a cold case.' Eric said all of this very quickly, with an air of someone trying to get an unpleasant thing over and done with as quickly as possible.

Nell took over the briefing, 'All the women taken were strongly believed to be heavily involved in drugs and the only real suspect at the time was a Marine Sergeant Peter Bennett. He was suspected of using his position in the military to smuggle and distribute large quantities of drugs from all over the world. All the women were believed to be dealers for his operation, until clearly something went wrong. Though the investigators at the time believed him to be the killer there simply wasn't enough evidence to arrest him so he went free.'

'So what's changed Nell? And why does a twenty year old cold case involve us now?' asked Callen briskly, he could feel the tension the room but still couldn't understand why.

Nell looked awkward and her eyes briefly flickered over to Deeks then back to Callen. 'Since 2010 a special squad of the LAPD has been looking into cold cases that may hold new clues thanks to the advances in criminal forensic technology. The DNA of Master Gunnery Sergeant Peter Bennett, formally Sergeant, was yesterday found on evidence collected at the Mary Brandel crime scene.'

'The case though old is now no longer cold and it involves a serving Marine it comes under NCIS jurisdiction. Because the suspect is stationed here at Camp Pendleton and the links this case has to our team the director has instructed us to investigate.' Said Hetty grimly, her tone clearly indicating she didn't think this a terribly good idea.

'Links to our team? What links?' Said Callen, he and Sam now the only ones looking confused.

Hetty sighed deeply, eyes focused on her liaison, Deeks fidgeted under her gaze deliberately not looking at her or any of the team. Hetty continued her voice soft. 'Mary Elisabeth Brandel's maiden name was Deeks. She was Marty's mother'

All eyes swiveled to focus on Deeks, he couldn't take this, he hated the pity he could feel in their stares, and suddenly he couldn't stand there any longer. 'I need a shower' he said quietly and without another word left the awkward silence of Ops behind him, desperately seeking the solace and isolation of the men's showers.

**I know it's a little dark and angsty but let me know what you think?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thankyou once again for all the amazing reviews, favorites, follows etc etc for this story, i really appreciate the feedback and tips, believe me i need all the help i cant get! I know my chapters are a bit on the short side, i'm hoping to make them longer eventually, i'm still easing into this whole writing thing so right now the chapters just kinda make themselves as long as they are. And, yes, my writings a bit dark but hopefully will lighten up a bit, its just right now the subject matter is pretty dark and jokes seem little insensitive somehow :P **

**I don't know how i feel about this chapter, it wouldn't let me go to sleep till i wrote it but it's mostly Callen and Kensi POV and not much gets done, kinda just their thoughts. It's like 1am here now so if the writing/spelling/characters seem a little dodgy i blame the time. Aaaanyway please let me know what you think :D**

Callen turned from the door through which Deeks had just passed turning to the rest of his team. Kensi made a move as if to follow Deeks but Hetty stopped her saying 'I think he needs some time alone, this isn't easy for him. He will need you Miss Blye but right now I think he just needs some time.' Kensi stopped in her tracks. Callen could see what Hetty had said made sense to her but she wasn't happy about it and he doubted anyone but Hetty could have made Kensi stay.

He understood, if it were Sam in Deeks' position he would want to do anything he could to fix it and if it couldn't be fixed he'd want to be there so at least his partner wasn't in it alone. _Well, _he thought determinedly, _Deeks isn't in this alone, he has this team. We will solve this case and bring him the answers and closure that he deserves. _

Callen knew all too well how it felt not to know vital things about his past and to have a history that was at times quite dark. He had no idea that he and Deeks had such things in common, the man hid so well behind his laid back, joker mask. He may not be able to find his own answers right now but he would sure as hell find them for Deeks.

'Okay, Nell, Eric? I need as much information as you can find regarding this case. I need as much as you can get about all five disappearances, the crime scene, evidence, family and friends of the deceased and everything, EVERYTHING about Sergeant Peter Bennett. I mean everything. I want to know every move he's made in the last 10 years and every detail you can find on him now. Sam and I are going to go get the evidence and reports from the LAPD, I don't think Deeks is up to liaising, have as much as you can for us when we get back.

'Kens? Kensi?' Callen thought she looked a little lost without Deeks beside her; they were so rarely seen apart these days. She seemed to shake herself back to the present from wherever she'd been, 'Uh, yeah, sorry what?'

'Kens are you okay?' Sam asked gently, concern written all over his face.

'Yeah, yeah I'm fine' Kensi replied thinking to herself, _if Deeks were here he'd know that fine doesn't mean fine. Then again, if Deeks were here I would actually be fine so.. _she shook herself again. She needed to focus on the case and getting her partner through it in one piece.

'Kensi I need you to stay here and work with Eric and Nell until Deeks decides what he wants to do. Some more information from him about the background of the case would be helpful and I want you to try to get him to tell us any pertinent details to the case. If we wants to stay on the case and thinks he can remain professional, I think he should be allowed to do so.' He looked to Hetty for confirmation and she nodded her head slightly.

'I agree Mr Callen. I believe Mr Deeks has earned the right to see this through to its conclusion. On the other hand, if he chooses to remove himself from the case and take some personal time instead, I think every one of us would understand. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that whatever he decides he has the full support of every member of this team, I hope you'll make that clear to him Ms Blye.' There was a general murmur of agreement through the room at this.

'Okay,' said Callen, 'let's go then, we can't come up empty on this one.'

Eric and Nell turned to their computers and began typing furiously, starting to compile the information the team would need to solve this case. Sam and Callen left for the LAPD, Sam clasping Kensi's shoulder on the way past, Hetty followed slowly looking pensive.

Kensi remained standing there staring at the picture of Mary Brandel, still up on the big screen, Eric and Nell focused on their work left her to her thoughts.

She knew Deeks wouldn't be done in the showers yet and she needed a moment to collect her thoughts, prepare herself for this case that had landed in their laps and thrown everything out of balance. Kensi considered herself a very private person, she knew she had walls and good reasons for them, but it suddenly dawned in her how much more Deeks knew about her than she knew about him.

Since becoming partners with Deeks, she herself had found many of the answers to the questions that had been haunting her. Finding out the truth about her father's death and reconnecting with her mother had changed Kensi in ways she was still discovering.

Deeks had been there every step of the way, steadfast beside her, offering unwavering protection, friendship and this undefinable 'thing' they had that couldn't be ignored. While he was there for her, day in and day out, gently pushing and nudging and softly chipping away at her walls, she had never returned the favour.

Realising how little she knew about her partner and the beacon of light he'd been in her darkest times made her feel like a terrible person. She'd never asked him very much about his past and now that it had come back to haunt him in such a awful way she felt unprepared to help him through it as he had helped her.

_Well, that is about to change,_ she decided resolutely, turning and striding from Ops, _I WILL make this right. _She would wait for him in the bullpen where the dead woman with her son's eyes couldn't stare at her so accusingly.

**Yeah i know, a bit creepy? Too dark? If you tell me i should never ever write in the early hours of the morning again cos this was terrible i won't be offended, just be honest :P**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay so this is my longest chapter so far though still pretty short i figure its a step in the right direction :P As ever thank you times a million for all the kind words, reviews, alerts and favorites (i still can't quite believe people have actually added my story to their favorites list, it blows my mind a little, but i digress), thankyou thankyou thankyou! I had planned on getting further in this chapter but it just didn't happen so i apologise if things are moving a little slow. As usual your feedback is both valued and appreciated!**

Deeks took his time in the showers letting the hot water wash over his body and ease the tension that felt like it was settling into his very bones. He used the time and space to try to sort through the mind numbing assault of memories and emotions weighing on his head and heart and ultimately, try to figure out where to go from here.

From the jumble of thoughts scrambling for attention in his head, one clear decision rose to the surface. He wanted answers and he wanted to be the one to find them. That meant staying on the case and he was under no illusions that that would be easy.

He knew he would have to fight hard to keep his emotions under control. While he knew there was no way he could treat this like any other case he would try to keep professional about it as much as he could. He didn't know how possible that was going to be but he was sure as hell going to try.

This decision meant he would have to talk to Hetty and probably Callen to convince them he should be allowed to stay in an active role on the case. Eric, Nell and Sam would also need more information to be able to work this case properly and he felt he owed it to his team, to his friends to give some sort of explanation.

Kensi though, she would be the hardest. She knew him too well and she wouldn't be satisfied with the basic explanation he planned on giving to the others. The problem was he wanted her to know the least of all.

Kensi herself, their friendship, their partnership and their undefinable 'thing' were so incredibly important to him he didn't want to risk losing any part of it by revealing such dark aspects of his past to her. Hmm, Kensi was a problem, he decided. He would put her off as long as possible, brief her with the rest of the team and sort out what to do when she approached him.

For the moment he needed to focus on getting through the rest of the day. _One step at a time Marty_ he told himself, _just take it one step at a time_.

* * *

Kensi sat alone in the bullpen, biting her bottom lip and anxiously waiting for her partner to emerge from the showers. It seemed like he must have been in there for hours, though checking her watch she realised it had probably been closer to 10 minutes.

She sighed deeply trying to resist the urge to get up and pace the room just for something to occupy her mind. Instead, like the good federal agent she was, she tried to formulate a plan of attack.

How to help Deeks and convince him to let her be there for him? How to solve this case as quickly and painlessly as possible? She needed to get Deeks to talk to her and give the team the information required to make this case go away.

Okay_, so I'll talk to him and let him know I'm here, I'm not going anywhere and he's not in this alone_, she thought to herself. _I'll just have to convince him to talk to me_. She shook her head at her own folly, as if it would be that easy.

* * *

Eventually the water ran cold. Deeks didn't know how long he stood under its icy stream before he realised he was shivering, probably a while though considering his toes were starting to go numb.

He turned off the water and got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his middle he silently berated himself. _Get it together man, pay attention! If your gonna convince Hetty and Callen you can stay on this case you'd better start doing a better job and at least look like you know what you're doing. _

Drying off his shaggy hair and getting dressed he went over his plan for the day. First step was Hetty. He would have to convince her he was okay before he could do anything else. Next he would brief the team giving them a basic explanation of his history and his involvement in the case.

If he got through this well enough he thought it would go a long way to convincing Hetty and Callen he should be on the case. Then hopefully he would spend the day chasing leads or witnesses or paperwork, something, anything really that would keep his mind occupied until he could go home. Once home he would find something to lose himself in until restless sleep finally claimed him.

* * *

Head held high Deeks strode from the men's locker room into the main open area of the mission. He noticed Kensi sitting alone in the bullpen and a cold weight settled in his stomach at the thought of facing her and the questions he knew she would have; for now though he sought different woman, brunette like his partner but older, wiser and much, much... much shorter.

He knocked lightly on the pillar that served for a door to Hetty's office and sat in the chair she indicated with a wave of her hand as she looked at him over her glasses, concern written all over her face. 'Mr Deeks, what can I do for you?'

'Hetty I want to stay on this case. I want answers and I think I have the right to be the one who finds them.' Deeks decided the direct approach was best.

'Do you think you will be able to investigate this in a professional manner, considering your close ties to the case?' Hetty asked seriously.

When Deeks looked a little offended she hurried to explain her meaning further. 'I do not mean to infer that you are not an extremely capable investigator, I simply mean that taking an active role in this case will not be easy on you. I would not be doing my job as operations manager if I didn't ask; can you handle this?'

'Yes Hetty I can. I know it's not a normal case for me but I can keep it professional and I know the team will back me up and support me to bring this case to a close at last. It's been so many years and mine isn't the only family still searching for answers. I want to do this, Hetty, I HAVE to do this.' His voice had a hint of desperation, of pleading in it that made her uneasy.

What he was saying wasn't making her feel any better about letting him do this. She looked into his shining blue eyes and saw something else there, a fierce determination that told her that even if she sent him home and banned him from the case he would investigate it anyway; there really was no stopping him.

At least if she let him stay officially she, and the rest of the team, could keep an eye on him and back him up as necessary. He needed his family around him and though she knew it was pointless she made one last try to discourage him. 'My primary concern is for your wellbeing Marty, you have the full support of this entire team and no-one would think any less of you if you decided to step down and take some personal time.'

His eyes softened, it was so nice to be reminded how much Hetty cared. 'No, thank you Hetty, but I need to see this through.'

Hetty sighed deeply, still troubled but resigned, 'Very well Mr. Deeks, you may investigate this case. But if at any time I believe you are not handling it or if you cross a line I will not hesitate to pull you off it quicker than you can say "But Hetty". Understand?'

'I understand' he said, nodding his head and getting up to go. Turning back after a few steps he said quietly 'Oh, and Hetty? Thank you for caring. Really.'

Watching him go Hetty shook her head her heart heavy. In these moments she got to glimpse the neglected little boy he once was, she saw the affect his past had on the man he had become and she mourned for the childhood that had been denied him. It was going to be a long case.

**Again sorry if its a bit slow, it will get better i promise! Let me know your thoughts? Ideas? Suggestions?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thankyou again and again for all the people who have taken the time to read, review, favorite, alert etc, it really means so much and the encouragement keeps me writing. I'm not sure how i feel about this chapter, again i seem to be writing late at night, so if anyone has tips or feedback they would be much appreciated. Honestly any comment would be much appreciated, I'm still learning so much about writing hopefully i'll get better, please let me know what you think :D**

**Disclaimer: I keep forgetting to do this but i'm still not Shane Brennan nor was i for the last chapter nor the one before that.**

Sam and Called arrived back at the mission lugging boxes of evidence they had just retrieved from LAPD headquarters. The LAPD team previously working the case had been decidedly less than pleased to hand it over to NCIS but had done so as ordered. After they had grudgingly briefed the two agents on what they knew so far LAPD had signed all the evidence over to Callen, but not without a parting comment.

A tall, middle aged detective in a suit that probably cost a few months wages had been hanging around since Callen and Sam had arrived, making little snide comments here and there. Callen was about ready to tell him exactly where he could stick his opinions when they turned to leave, but were stopped when the irritating little man threw out one final barb.

'Tell that shaggy dog that calls himself a detective not to screw this one up too badly. Though knowing him and now we see what he came from he probably can't help being a useless screw-up, it's in his genes.' The LAPD officer's mouth had twisted in a cruel smirk and he and a few of his buddies guffawed stupidly.

Callen turned slowly to face the man and his friends. What followed was a very articulate and effective but utterly unprintable reply. Things hadn't gone well from there. Sam had managed to drag Callen out of the building before an all out brawl erupted but neither man was happy.

Crossing the courtyard back at the mission Callen was still arguing with Sam, 'You should have let me hit him, at least a little bit! I wouldn't have hurt him _too_ badly!'. Sam shaking his head frustrated replied calmly 'We were surrounded by at least twenty of his buddies, we're good but we're not that good. Besides, you should be thanking me, imagine what Hetty would have said if we'd started a punch-up at the LAPD. Our departments are supposed to co-operate G!'

Callen's eyebrows rose defensively, 'Okay, first of all, I didn't start it! That... idiot couldn't just sign over the evidence and send us on our way? Why did he have to say that about Deeks? It's not my fault if the moron couldn't keep his mouth shut and forced me to defend a member of my team.'

Callen looked at Sam, waiting for him to argue but the big man just shook his head, Sam could see this was one argument he wasn't going to win. 'You should be grateful I only retaliated with words. Besides, don't tell me you didn't want to punch the guy too Sam.' Sam shrugged, deciding not to answer on the grounds it may incriminate him.

Walking back into the bullpen Sam and Callen dumped the boxes on Sam's desk, Kensi rose to greet them. She seemed anxious and Sam put a hand on her arm trying to calm her.

'You talk to him yet Kens?' he asked gently.

'No, I haven't had the chance actually. When he came from the showers he went straight to Hetty and he's been there ever since.' She looked worried, biting her bottom lip and seemed unable to stay still, constantly fidgeting.

'Kensi,' said Callen, his voice full of calming reassurance he wasn't entirely sure he felt, 'Kensi we are going to solve this case. We will get answers and we will get Deeks through this, okay?' Kensi looked into Callen's blue eyes and Sam's brown ones and saw nothing but confident, determined reassurance in them. They were right she decided, they would all get through this and when she couldn't find the determination or strength in herself, she knew she would find it in her two big brothers.

'You're right' she said, a small smile tugging at her lips, 'thanks guys. Okay, so where do we start? LAPD give you anything good?' She rubbed her hands together and moved toward the boxes the boys had brought back.

'Well all the electronic evidence and case details have all been sent to Nell and Eric, including lab and DNA reports, we just have the physical evidence here. I suggest we take this upstairs to Ops, see what Eric and Nell have for us so we can start to get moving on this case.' Kensi and Sam agreed with Callen, the boys picked up the boxes and turned to head upstairs.

Kensi lingered a little; she could see Deeks was getting up, presumably having finished with Hetty. She walked slowly over as Deeks turned back to say something else to Hetty, she didn't want to intrude. When she was sure he was done she approached Hetty's office. 'Uh, Callen and Sam brought back the evidence from the LAPD so we were all going to meet in Ops to get started on the case if...?' she let the question hang in the air not wanting to push. Hetty broke the slightly awkward silence, 'Of course Ms Blye, I will see the two of you up there in a few minutes'.

Deeks knew Hetty was giving him a few minutes to get his thoughts together but thinking straight wasn't really something he was capable of when Kensi looked at him like that, eyes dark with concern and compassion. _Oh crap,_ he thought, _how am I going to do this? _He needed to keep it together to stay on the case and he couldn't do that if Kensi broke down his walls as only Kensi could.

His partner broke the silence first 'You're staying on the case?' it sounded much more like a statement than a question but he decided to answer anyway. 'Yep, I want to see this thing through to the end; its time this was put to rest'.

Kensi was worried and wanted him to talk to her, for him to know she was there, whatever he needed, 'You know I'm here for you right? The others will have questions and I know it's hard for you but if you want to talk to me I –'

'I'm fine Kensi' he cut her off abruptly.

He couldn't stand there and listen to her being so kind, his careful facade would crumble and he needed to stay strong. Kensi looked at him, eyebrows furrowed, a little surprised by his abruptness. 'Please don't shut me out Deeks, I'm your partner and I'm in this with you okay?'

'I know' he tried to make his voice softer, 'and I'm not shutting you out, I just don't want to talk about it with you right now okay? I- I- the others will have questions, there are things they need to know.' He avoided her gaze, regardless of what he was saying, shutting her out was precisely what he was doing and he knew it.

'We'd better get upstairs to the briefing before Hetty sends out a search party'. His brief attempt at light-hearted humour fell flat and while Deeks continued to avoid his partners eyes Kensi searched his face for a few moments. She was a little hurt that he didn't want to talk to her but she wouldn't give up so easily. If not talking was what he needed right now then that is what she would give him.

Finally she seemed satisfied with her careful examination of his features and she said quietly, her tone tentative, 'Okay, let's go. But if you change your mind... well you'll know where to find me, I'll be wherever you are'.

She started up the stairs ahead of him and he watched her go briefly before following. He didn't know what he'd ever done to deserve having someone like Kensi in his life, but if it was some kind of karma for all the crap he'd been through, it had been worth every single moment.

**Hope you enjoyed, I'm trying to be true to character, am i succeeding at all? This writing thing is hard! X**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thankyou again and again to all the wonderful, amazing people who are following this story, especially those that review, it really means more to me than i can say and helps me so much! xxx**

**This is by far my longest chapter so far so i really hope you enjoy it, let me know what you think?**

**Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah still not mine :D**

Technical Operator Eric Beale and Intelligence Analyst Nell Jones had been busily working since early that morning, both before and after the agents came in. Looking away from his computer for the first time in at least half an hour Eric looked over at his partner. After a few moments Nell seemed to notice the stare. 'What? You got something Eric?'

Eric looked back to his computer screen slightly embarrassed at being caught looking at his partner in some sort of daydream. 'Uh, yeah. The evidence and reports from the LAPD have been sent through, I'll just go through everything quickly, get it organised and whistle the others up to let them know what we have.'

Nell looked over at him 'Which isn't a lot, all things considered'. She sounded frustrated and sighed deeply making Eric look back at her once again.

'What up?' he asked her trying to keep his tone light.

'I just can't stop thinking about Deeks and how hard all this must be on him. I mean bringing all this up all these years later can't be easy for him to deal with, and you know what this team is like, if one is in trouble or hurting it effects everyone.'

'Yeah,', Eric replied carefully, 'but they're the best of the best. They'll solve this case and get through it together'.

'I hope so' Nell said sadly. 'I wonder how this will affect his partnership with Kensi though.'

'Kensi?' Eric asked looking puzzled, 'Why would this affect Kensi?'

Nell looked at Eric, something like incredulous pity in her eyes. 'Really Beale? Surely you've seen the way he looks at her, especially when he doesn't think anyone's watching, they clearly have a thing going on. I've asked Kensi about it but she says they're just partners and friends. I don't know, maybe she doesn't see it. But she's smart and always so aware of her surroundings I don't know how she couldn't notice' Nell shook her head, apparently frustrated at her friends inability to see what was right in front of her face.

Eric replied with a non-committal 'mmmm' and went back to focus on his computer. Nell, ever multitasking, had been working throughout her little speech. When he was sure she was once again completely absorbed in her work his gaze flickered once again back to the petite redhead. It was ironic to him that the look she was referring to Deeks giving Kensi was remarkably similar to the one he so often caught himself giving Nell.

* * *

Callen and Sam entered Ops Callen almost running into Eric in the doorway, arms full of boxes.

'Awww, come on! I was just coming to get you guys! Do I at least get to whistle the others up?'

'No' said Callen firmly, a twinkle of amusement is his blue eyes as he set the boxes down on the light table, 'they should be right behind us'. Eric looked like a child denied a treat and went back to his computer getting everything ready for the briefing.

'Did the LAPD send all the reports and lab results yet? Anything missing?' Callen asked the two techs.

'Uh, yeah we got the files, doesn't look like anythings missing though, why? Were you expecting problems?' Nell asked her brow furrowed curiously. 'No just checking' Callen said, his tone innocent.

Eric and Nell still looked a little confused so Sam looked at Callen a small smirk on his face, as he explained 'Let's just say Callen had a little trouble playing nice with our LAPD colleagues.'

'Is that so Mr. Callen?' Hetty asked appearing out of nowhere. 'Should I be expecting a call from the head of the LAPD?'

'No Hetty', Callen said reassuringly shooting a dirty look at Sam who merely looked even more amused, 'its fine, we just had a brief disagreement with some officers but nothing happened'. Hetty looked sceptical but seemed to accept his answer or at least reserve further judgement.

Eric and Nell set up ready for the briefing, Sam, Callen and Hetty all taking their usual places. Now all that was missing was their two youngest agents. Callen looked at Hetty the question clear in his eyes. 'Ms. Blye and Mr. Deeks will be up momentarily I'm sure'. Just as the sentence was out of her mouth, the doors to Ops opened automatically and Kensi walked through, Deeks following close behind.

Taking their normal places it felt like it could almost be a normal, everyday case, except for the tension so thick in the air it was palpable. Drawing a deep breath and looking at the big screen Callen said those words he'd said a million times before, 'What have you got Eric?'

'Marine Gunnery Sergeant Peter Bennett, 57 years old, married to one Anne Bennett, 45.' Eric brought up pictures of the two on the big screen.

Peter looked like a man who was very sure of himself, even a little arrogant, still handsome despite his age, salt and pepper hair and the impression that he had let himself go a little bit as he neared retirement. Anne on the other hand was small, mousy with scraggly brown hair that hung limp around her face and dark brown eyes that seemed hollow and fearful all at the same time. Deeks immediate impression was that of a woman who had seen too much of the darker side of life.

'Twenty years ago Peter was investigated in relation to the smuggling and selling of drugs. His MO was to somehow hide the drugs aboard ship when he was deployed and bring them back into the states that way. He was by all reports charming and ruthless, preying on desperate and malleable women to be his dealers. He seemed to prefer women he could easily manipulate and control so he often used prostitutes, abused women and those already addicted who would do anything he asked for a steady supply of drugs.' Typing away on his tablet he brought up more information.

'NCIS and LAPD were at the time working together to build a case against him and according to the old case files it looks like they had a good source, perhaps one of these women, who were willing to testify. Somehow he must have got wind of the leak in his operations because next thing we know there were the spate of disappearances and murders, he seemed to be cleaning house, disposing of anyone he suspected of being the leak. Three women presumed dead but their bodies never found, one Miss Christina Connors, identified only by dental records after being found very badly burned.'

Eric's eyes left the big screen for the first time since he started the briefing looking over to Deeks. Very aware of the pain of his colleague, he reluctantly continued. 'The last disappearance was Mary Brandel. Found badly beaten and strangled, her body stripped and left in a children's playground. DNA collected from the scene and the victim's body was matched to Peter Bennett, while it does not directly indicate he killed her, based on the circumstances and previous evidence, it's a good indication he was at least involved. At the time, without the source to testify there simply wasn't enough evidence to pursue the case, eventually the detectives involved had no choice but to move on. Now, with the new evidence uncovered we will be able to get much further.' He looked at Deeks, his words trying to reassure the detective they wouldn't give up until they found the answers he needed.

Nell took over the briefing 'Peter seems to have either stopped his involvement in the drugs or got smarter because he hasn't been indicated in anything since these disappearances. Apart from a few domestic disturbances we've got nothing on him since then.'

Callen took a deep breath and looked over at Deeks, standing so close to Kensi they were almost touching. 'I know this is tough for you Deeks, but is there anything you can add to that? Any extra background that may help the case, help us get inside the heads of everyone involved?'

He didn't really want ask, to make this any harder for Deeks than it had to be, but if the liaison could shed any extra light on the case it would be better for everyone, including him, in the long run. Callen knew better than most how much it could help to voice things aloud. The more people who knew the secrets of your past the less power your past had over you.

Deeks knew he looked defensive, his eyes dark and arms crossed tightly over his chest. He had expected the question from Callen and had thought he was prepared for it. Now in the moment though he felt utterly unprepared. What to tell them? Looking around he decided to tell them the bare minimum, whatever may be useful and nothing more.

His hands were shaking so he shoved them roughly in his pockets, his eyes settled finally on his partner. Her eyes were supportive, compassionate and encouraging, remembering what she had said to him downstairs, that she was there for him no matter what; he drew strength from her, cleared his throat and started talking.

'Some of you know that when I was 11 I shot my father Gordon John Brandel. He had a shotgun and I believed he was about to kill my mother and me, he had been abusive to the both of us for as long as I can remember.' His tone was disturbingly matter of fact, like he had accepted that this was just how things were long ago.

'Though he was wounded he recovered well and after a long trial was sent to prison for domestic assault, child abuse and attempted murder. After I shot him and during the trial I was placed with my grandparents while the case played out and my mother recovered from her injuries, he had beaten her pretty bad that night. Once he was in prison I was to go back to live with my Mum but she told Social Services she didn't want me back.' Deeks voice was wavering slightly at the last bit, becoming a little croaky. For a moment he paused, not sure if he could go on.

In the darkness of Ops Kensi's hand found his and squeezed, he looked at her and once again found the strength to continue. 'She, uh... she blamed me for my Dad being gone, he had her so brainwashed and dependent on him that she couldn't see we were finally free. Anyway, she didn't want me so I stayed with my grandparents and eventually took their name, "Deeks" as my own. I rarely saw her in the few years after that until her death. We knew she had gotten into drugs, I think after all the years of manipulation and abuse she didn't know how to live without someone or something controlling her, she was pretty broken.

'She would have been a perfect target for someone like Peter Bennett, handsome, charming and dominating. One day the LAPD knocked on the door and told us she was dead. We'd had so little contact with her since my father went away that we couldn't really help them much. Anyway we scattered her ashes over the sea, I didn't like the idea of her trapped in a box, buried. She had been a prisoner for so much of her life, I just felt like it was time she was free.' Deeks wasn't looking at anyone but seemed very focused on his shoes, his eyes glassy.

Once he had started he had found it easier than he had expected to tell his story, the words seemed to want to escape him after all these years locked away inside. He took a moment in the silence of Ops to pull himself back together, finally releasing Kensi's hand he looked up at Callen. 'I don't know if that is helpful, it offers a look at the mindset of one of the victims at least, maybe the other victims were similar.'

'No, it is helpful. Thank you Deeks.' Callen tried to put all his understanding and admiration for Deeks' strength into that simple sentence and he thought the detective seemed to understand.

'I think it's time we took a closer look at Peter Bennett, Eric send his address to my phone and keep working through the evidence here. Sam and I will watch him, see what we can find out before we bring him in. Kensi, Deeks, look into the drug connections; see if we can find anything indicating he hasn't given it all up.'

Everyone nodded and Sam and Callen turned to leave, passing the younger agents, Callen stop in front of Deeks. 'We're going to get this guy Deeks, I promise.' Deeks nodded appreciating the assurance and support.

What he appreciated the most though was the fact that no-one was looking at him differently. When he looked around the room after he's finished his story all he saw was support, compassion and love, no pity or judgement like he had feared. He'd felt it before but never had he been more sure, or more grateful that he had found this place and especially these people; he was home.

**Poor Deeks, i'm pretty mean to him sometimes. So longer chapter good or bad? Let me know what you think? XXX**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you as ever to the amazing wonderful people who read, alert, favorite and review etc etc this story, the support and encouragement keeps me writing and makes the darkest times brighter XXX**

**So this is my longest chapter so far, they're getting longer and longer, hopefully a good thing!**

**Wow its really late at night here, i have to stop writing late at night, i'm afraid i might stop making sense, let me know if the writing has suffered as a result? Thanks again :D**

Callen yawned widely, fighting to keep alert. Sleep had never exactly come easy for him but the combination of Sam's favourite jazz music, the heat of the setting LA sun and an extraordinarily boring 6 hours meant he was struggling to keep his eyes open.

To keep awake and to pass the remaining hour of their surveillance shift he decided to bait his partner little "How can you listen to this? It's just people playing random notes on different instruments all at the same time. Music's version of chaos, by definition, it doesn't make sense!"

Sam smiled a little, glad for the break in the monotony of the day. After the craziness of the morning the rest of the day had passed painfully slowly. "You just don't appreciate the finer things in life G. Fine wines and Jazz, two of the greatest achievements of mankind and you clearly just don't understand."

Sam continued to stare at the modest little bungalow that was Peter and Anne Bennett's home. The two men had been staring at it for almost 7 hours now and the only thing they had learned was that Mrs Bennett liked roses, the front garden was full of them.

"Two of the greatest achievements of mankind?" Callen sensed something in the banter was off, a little strained. Something was on Sam's mind, so he kept talking trying to draw him out. "You must be kidding! Besides, I appreciate the finer things, you just no idea what the finer things actually are. Remember that Colfer case? My cover was extremely high class and I pulled it off didn't I?"

"You did", Sam allowed nodding his head, "but that was a cover not G Callen."

Callen opened his mouth to protest further but stopped when Sam turned off the radio and looked at his partner seriously. Unnerved at the sudden change in mood but glad he was about to find out what Sam was thinking so hard about, he waited patiently for the big man to start. Apparently Sam was feeling direct because after a moment's hesitation he said "You need to talk to Deeks"

"What? Why?" Sam seemed to be trying to muster his thoughts into a good argument so Callen continued. "I'm his team leader and if he wants to talk to me in that capacity then sure, but if it's about this case, unless I think he's doing something wrong why do I need to talk to him? I think he's managing amazingly well considering the circumstances."

"He seems to be coping well yes, but you need to talk to him about all this, his past, what's happening now, all of it."

Sam seemed determined but Callen still didn't understand. "Deeks and I don't really have that sort of relationship, he has Hetty and Kensi for that stuff, I don't think he'd really want to talk to me. Why is this so important Sam?"

Sam sighed deeply, sometimes he forgot that Callen often didn't realise how important he was to his co-workers, having not felt like he mattered to anyone growing up. "Hetty and Kensi are great, and they can each offer something unique to Deeks while he's dealing with all this. But, no one can understand or relate to Deeks' situation now, or in the past like you can. You two have a surprising amount in common and you can offer something the rest of us can't; the understanding of someone who has been there. I'm not his partner like Kensi, I'm not as wise as Hetty and I can't relate to his life like you can. All I can do to help Deeks right now is to help solve this case, but you can give so much more. Just think about it, okay G?" Sam sounded frustrated at not being able to do more to help their friend.

"Yeah okay." Callen agreed frowning slightly.

He was surprised at Sam's little speech as he hadn't seen it coming. Of course he had noticed that he and Deeks had some things in common about their pasts and of course he wanted to do anything he could to help the man but it had never occurred to him that he could possibly help Deeks in a way the others couldn't.

Never more than at times like these, did he appreciate his partner more. Sam was the heart and soul of the team, he saw things others missed and kept everyone together when they needed it most.

Looking in the rear-view mirror Sam saw their replacement surveillance team pull up a few cars behind them and pulled out of their spot in silence. Time to go back to Ops and hope someone else found something more useful than Mrs Bennett's rose garden.

* * *

Walking into the bullpen it was clear from the faces of those assembled that they had had no more luck than Sam and Callen.

Hetty turned to face them and welcomed them back. "Mr. Hanna? Mr. Callen? Did you find out anything?"

Callen looked at Sam and replyed "Uh, no Hetty nothing. Apart from a very exciting trip to the market they were both at home all day, absolutely nothing to report whatsoever. Any progress here?"

"No", Hetty said sadly "nothing. Kensi and Deeks have been trying to track any drug connections from back when the murders happened to see if it could produce new leads or even see if there's anything indicating Bennett may not have given it all up, but there's nothing. Most of his known associate's from 1992 are either in jail or dead, one of the more obvious reasons a cold case is so difficult to work. Nell and Eric have been digging into his electronic life but have also come up empty thus far. No unusual bank records, none of his medical records indicate drug use and other than the domestic disturbances we've already noted he doesn't have so much as a speeding ticket."

Deeks stood abruptly, pushing his chair back so fast it fell over with a bang that made Kensi jump. "So basically what you're saying Hetty is that we have nothing. That despite new forensic evidence, this case is pretty much just as dead today as it was yesterday and has been for 20 years."

Kensi tried to put out a consoling hand "It's not like that at all Deeks, the forensic evidence is a huge step, we just need to find more. And we will."

"No, we won't! Because that's not how things work with me," his voice had become sarcastic and bitter, "I really wanted to put this to rest but I should have known better, should have known that the more I wanted it the less likely it would be to come true."

"Deeks" Kensi tried again but he shook her off, heading for the door. He stopped just outside the bullpen and without turning said quietly "I- I'm sorry" and then he was gone, heavy wooden doors thudding with a deafening finality in his wake.

* * *

Kensi found Nell alone in Ops as she had hoped. After Hetty had sent everyone home with orders to get some food and rest she had sought out her friend, seeking advice. Sure, Kensi was one of the guys but sometimes a girl just needs to talk to another woman.

"Hey Kens, what are you still doing here? I thought Hetty had ordered everyone home." Kensi laughed quietly "I could ask you the same question Nell, you've had an even longer day than me."

"Oh, I'm just finishing up some last little bit's and pieces, so what's up?" Nell looked at Kensi while she typed knowing there was a reason she had sought her out instead of heading off. Kensi looked pensive and troubled. Nell knew Kensi had issues with asking for help or admitting weakness so decided this would go a lot faster if she made an educated guess, "Is it Deeks?" Kensi's look was all the answer she needed. "You talk to him?"

It was like Nells gentle questions had opened a floodgate and suddenly Kensi was talking without seeming to take a breath. "I tried to Nell! I tried to talk to him, but he says he doesn't want to talk to me and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should leave him alone and respect what he says about not wanting to talk or if I should try to make him talk. I want to give him space but I don't want to leave him alone and I want to do whatever he needs but I think he's pushing me away and I can't handle that. With the whole thing with my Dad and Clairmont he was so amazing and he's always there for me, all the time and afraid I'm not there for him and he's so good at this stuff and I'm just- I'm just not." She finally needed to take a breath or pass out and Nell took advantage of the gap in the constant flow of distressed babble.

"Kensi! Kensi listen to me!" Kensi took a shuddering breath and focused on the small redhead in front of her, Nell made sure she was paying attention before continuing. "You, Kensi Marie Blye can do this. You are his partner, his best friend, he trusts you and today he _needs_ you. He's angry and hurting and when he tries to push you away, you can't let him. No-one should be alone dealing with something like this, so be there whether he wants you there or not."

Kensi nodded, letting Nell's words sink in and voiced one last worry, "What if I'm no good at helping him, Nell I don't think I know what I'm doing?" Nell shook her head, amazed that the usually confident woman in front of her would think such things. "Kensi, you don't have to do anything but be you. He trusts you and he understands you, just be there and he'll be fine, you'll be fine."

Kensi nodded again and stood up. "Thanks Nell, you're so smart I should come to you for advice more often", she hugged the smaller woman and headed out of Ops. She knew what she had to do.

* * *

By the time he drove into his driveway Deeks was already embarrassed and ashamed at his outburst in the bullpen, so much for keeping his emotions under control. It was just so frustrating; it made him feel useless and powerless, feelings that always managed to bring back all the wrong kinds of memories from his childhood.

Opening the door Monty greeted him enthusiastically; at least Monty would always love him no matter what. Deeks quickly fed the dog, gave him fresh water and let him out into the backyard. He changed and wondered idly around the house for a while, tidying up, doing some laundry, anything to keep his mind and body busy. He briefly considered cooking something for dinner but knew he wouldn't be able to eat it anyway so gave up on the idea almost immediately.

Sitting in his couch the empty silence seemed to press on him from all angles, though emotionally exhausted he knew he wouldn't be sleeping much tonight, if at all. He couldn't just sit there though, so he decided to bring back an old tactic he'd employed as a child living in an abusive home. The key was to exhaust your body to the point that regardless what was going on in your mind you would eventually sleep, if you were lucky it would be dreamless sleep.

He knew it was dangerous to surf at night but in his current state didn't especially care. Fifteen minutes later he was dragging his surfboard down his favourite beach into the dark water. The water was icy but he welcomed the sensation, it numbed some of the turmoil swirling through his body. He surfed hard revelling it every time he got dunked by a wave or pitched headfirst into the darkness.

He didn't know why it felt like he was being punished or why he felt like he deserved it, but he did and he welcomed it with open arms. Eventually it was a struggle to force his protesting muscles to keep going so he caught a final wave to the shore and dragged himself back up the beach. Convinced he had at least exhausted his body, if not his mind he head home once more.

* * *

Deeks hadn't been prepared to arrive in his driveway to find Kensi's car parked in front of his house. He took a moment to prepare himself, he didn't want to talk to her, he was exhausted and he didn't want to say something he might later regret. Walking to his door he found her sitting on the steps waiting for him. "About time" she grumbled, "you're lucky I didn't pick the lock".

He opened the door and let them both inside, leaving his surfboard on the steps. "What are you doing here Kensi? Its late, shouldn't you be curled up in front of Top Model right now?" He sat heavily on the couch, body even more exhausted now he was out of the water.

Kensi stood near the door as she examined him. He looked completely worn out; maybe her argument would go easier than she thought. She walked over to the couch and sat down facing him. She took a deep breath and started talking, "I'm staying with you until this case is done. I'll crash on the couch and you don't have to talk to me or anything if you don't want to but I'm not leaving you alone. Since we've been partners you've never left me alone and you can't ask me to do that to you."

She looked at him a little anxiously trying to gauge his reaction. So many emotions washed over his face that she barely had time to identify one before another replaced it. Certainly there was confusion, irritation, frustration and sadness but following on just as quickly was relief, appreciation and that look she only ever saw in his eyes when he was looking at her. She'd come prepared for him to fight her on this but when he looked at her like that she wondered if it were her own emotions that she would end up fighting, a battle she knew she would probably lose.

Deeks looked over at her eyes tired, "Look Kensi, I appreciate it but I don't need a babysitter, I'll be fine. Go home okay?"

"I'm not babysitting I'm just making sure your okay" Kensi protested trying not to let his repeated rejections get to her. "You look like death warmed up, at least let me make sure you're going to get some sleep before you kick me out?"

Deeks looked exasperated but said "If I go to bed right now will that convince you I'm fine?" Kensi looked at him critically and replied "Sure." She was lying but then so was he so she figured it was probably forgivable.

Deeks did as he was told and went off to bed, after all he figured he was headed there anyway, Kensi went and turned out his lights to make sure he was complying with orders. "Goodnight Deeks, sleep well".

He was already half asleep but replied "Night Kensi, go home okay?"

"Sure Deeks" she said as she closed the door softly. She trudged back to the living room and just in case he was still awake enough to hear she opened and closed the front door, she had no intention of leaving. Padding quietly back to the couch she pulled the blanket that was draped over the back and spread it over herself.

In the darkness she saw Monty look at her from his bed near the kitchen, "What?" she asked the dog in a whisper "What he doesn't know can't hurt him, I'll wake up before him and pretend I came around early, he doesn't need to know." Monty looked sceptical but lay back down to sleep. Kensi briefly wondered at the dogs' ability to convey scepticism and soon she too drifted into oblivion.

**Aww i love me some Monty! Anyway 2am here, so i blame errors on that, but let me know what you think? XXX**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thankyou always and forever to the incredible people who read, review, alert, favorite this story; especially those that review. Every bit of feedback means so much to me and the encouragment and support has been overwhelming. **

**I'm a little nervous about this chapter, I really wanted to do this part of the story justice and I'm not sure if i've achieved that, it's also pretty long, at least for one of my chapters so more than ever, please let me know what you thought?**

* * *

Kensi awoke in the small hours of the morning, the muffled shouts emanating from Deeks bedroom easily reaching her in the silence of the night. Running her hands through her tousled curls she got up shaking the last vestiges of sleep from her tired brain.

It hadn't exactly been a restful sleep; Deeks' couch was not really made for someone her height to comfortably sleep on. She had however, been having a rather nice, if entirely inappropriate dream and wasn't too pleased to have it interrupted.

She knocked gently on Deeks' door but heard nothing but continuing shouts, she couldn't just leave him like that, so she pushed the door open and walked inside letting her eyes adjust the added darkness.

Deeks was sprawled out on the side of the bed farthest from the door, legs tangled in his sheets. Shirtless and with the bedclothes tossed everywhere but on him, she thought he must be cold but he was sweating.

After pausing a moment longer to let her eyes adjust better (or admire the view a little, let's be honest), she padded over, knelt on the bed and shook his shoulder gently. "Deeks, Deeks wake up!"

"Huh, what?!" Deeks eyes flew open and for a moment he looked panicked and fearful until the remnants of the dream subsided. Taking stock of his surroundings he sat up suddenly and looked at Kensi confusion all over his face. "Is this a dream? Cos' this is not how this dream usually ends".

Kensi punched him gently in his shoulder. "Ow! What was that for?!" Deeks rubbed his arm resentfully. Kensi smiled innocently at him and replied, "What? I was just making sure you knew were awake".

"Don't people normally pinch people to make sure they're awake?" Deeks asked still rubbing his shoulder.

Kensi's only response was a sharp pinch to his other arm "Ow! Really?! That wasn't an invitation!"

Now definitely fully awake he felt like he hadn't slept at all, exhaustion still tugged at every part of him. Sighing, he leant back against the head of his bed looking over at his partner. "What are you doing here Kensi? I thought you said you were going home".

Kensi shrugged her shoulders, unrepentant "What can I say? I lied".

"Any particular reason you decided to start lying to your partner?" Deeks asked, but there was no venom behind the words.

Kensi thought he sounded genuinely curious and he still looked exhausted so after considering her response she settled on the truth. "I meant what I said at work today. Wherever you are, that's where I am too. You're going through some really crappy stuff and I'm not leaving you alone to deal with it, you can argue with me all you like but you know how stubborn I can be, you won't win".

She smiled at him briefly trying to lighten the mood with a little self deprecation, but Deeks was having none of it and he just stared back at her. "Look Deeks, I know you said you didn't want to talk to me and I want to respect that. You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, but I'm still going to be here. Everyone needs to talk to someone at some point and its okay to need someone, someone to lean on and someone to share the load. What I'm trying to say if that you're not alone, you don't have to carry this all by yourself."

Deeks huffed out a humourless laugh, looking away from Kensi. "Bad-Ass-Blye never needs to lean on anyone so why would I? I appreciate the sentiment Kens but you've never needed me".

Kensi was silent for so long that he finally looked back at her in the darkness. Though still at least five hours before morning, the light from an almost full moon was peeking through his curtains and he could easily make out every aspect of her face, the silvery light giving her eyes a particular shade he'd never seen in them before.

It suddenly occurred to him that Kensi, _his Kensi, _was sitting here, on his bed trying to comfort him and he was being kind of a jerk. He looked at her, really looked at her for the first time since she'd woken him from that same old dream and he could see his words had hurt her.

"Kensi I'm sorry, I didn't –"

"No." Kensi cut him off, holding up a hand to stop his apology. "You're wrong, but I can't blame you for being wrong, I never- I'm not really good at showing how I feel sometimes."

She looked down biting her lip and Deeks tried again, "Kensi, no, it's my-"she cut him off again holding up a hand "Deeks, let me finish. Please." She looked hesitant; a little scared, he knew she hated showing vulnerability like this so he remained silent.

Kensi took a deep steadying breath, "The day I took down Clairmont, after you took my Mum in... you had a call from someone but there was no answer on the other end. It was me." Deeks had been pretty sure it was her at the time but never questioned her on it, not wanting to push her lest he push to far and she shut down.

"I knew if I talked to you, you'd convince me to come back in and I had to finish it. But I _needed_ to hear you voice. I needed the strength that call gave me not only to take him down but to _not_ kill him. When my life seemed like it was teetering on the edge of something I wasn't sure I could come back from, you reminded me who I was and why I needed to come back. I needed you that day and I let myself need you when I called, it helped me get out alive and _still me_."

She was still looking down and seemed to stumble a little over her next words. "I'm sorry if I- I know I'm not always the easiest person to get to know, but please don't ever think I don't need you, I- I never meant to make you think that."She shook her head and Deeks was momentarily speechless, she'd never opened up to him like this before.

She was right though, he now realised he really did need to talk to her. The silence stretched between them as he tried to figure out how to start, but it wasn't uncomfortable, somehow it never was with them.

Finally he took her hand, "Kensi, look at me" Her eyes slowly, reluctantly rose to meet his, hurt still all too evident in them. "I'm sorry Kensi, I really didn't mean what I said. And you're right, I do need to talk, and I need to talk to you. I don't really know how to start though; it's a long story and not really a nice one to tell or to hear. Are you _sure_ you want to know?"

"Deeks, anything you want to tell me, I want to hear. Just start wherever you want." Kensi knew how hard this was going to be for him so she leant back against the bed head, mirroring his position so she was no longer looking at him; she thought it might make it easier if he didn't feel like she was examining his expressions. She kept hold of his hand though; it felt natural and comforting, hopefully for him as well as her.

He looked over at her sitting next to him and he was grateful she was there, he caught her eye once more and his expression begged her to understand his next words. "Just... please don't think badly of me. Please don't change toward me after hear the story. This, our ... whatever we are means too much to me to risk. And once I start don't interrupt okay? If I stop I don't know if I'll be able to keep going." His eyes pleaded with her to hear all of things behind what he was saying and nodded gratefully when she agreed.

Leaning back once more against the bed he stared off into the darkness and began to tell the story very few people had ever heard. "Growing up in my house wasn't fun. My Dad was a drunk, but even when he hadn't been drinking he was mean, manipulative, abusive in every sense of the word. I can't remember the first time he hit me or my Mum, it was always just like that as long as I can remember, and to me it was normal. As a kid, you think that however your family is, everyone's is like that. I think that protects you in some way, thinking that everyone's life is like that. It was when I realised that it wasn't normal that I started to struggle with it more. All I had to do was look around at the other kids at school and wonder why I couldn't have their lives, their families. I was a bit of a loner, I used to hate going to other kids houses to stay cos' living without the fear and abuse, even for a short time, made it so much harder, made it hurt more when I had to go back. And I did have to go back. I thought about running away so many times but I had my Mum to think about; I tried to protect her as best I could. I'd take the blame when he'd found something she'd done to make him angry, at least when he was beating on me he wasn't hitting her. He was so unpredictable, you never knew what might set him off, so I tried to distract him, take the focus off her. I'd rather he hit me a million times over than watch him do it to her. My Mum always seemed so fragile to me, physically, emotionally, mentally. I felt like I could take whatever he threw at me better than she could, so I did."

His words rippled out to fill the silent room, the memories echoing through the intervening years as he spoke. "The only person I ever told was Ray. I knew him a little from school and around the neighbourhood but we weren't friends until the day he found me hiding in the crawlspace under his house. My Mum was out and Dad was raging about something or the other, he was just searching for someone to beat on. I knew I'd pay for it later but I ran and hid anyway, delaying the inevitable. I soon found out Ray's Dad was pretty similar to mine and he was someone I could talk to who understood. For the first time in my life I didn't feel like I was alone. For my 11th birthday Ray gave me the gun that I ended up using on my Dad. I never found out where he got it but he said it was for protection. Dad had been getting more and more violent and had threatened to kill me and Mum a couple times, and of course I'd told Ray. I knew that if it ever came to the decision between Dad killing us or me killing him I'd do what I needed to do to protect my Mum. That night Mum had burnt part of dinner. I tried to take the blame but he just said he'd get to me later. He beat her unconscious and he was going through the kitchen looking for something to do a better job than his bare fists, he still wasn't satisfied."

As he spoke the memories flashed in his mind so vividly it was like they were being played out in the darkness, he was shaking as he continued. "I tried to calm him down but when I physically put myself in between him and Mum he got even angrier. He said we were worthless pieces of shit and he couldn't wait to be free of us. I knew he had a rifle in the house and when he stormed out of the room, angrier than I'd ever seen him I knew he was going to get it. I ran to my room and got Rays present, back in the kitchen I tried to wake Mum, get her out, but she was out cold. I couldn't move her and I couldn't leave her; I knew the moment had come." Deeks cleared his throat, voice becoming a little croaky at this point.

"I was shaking so badly I could barely hold the gun up when he came back, rifle in hand. He sneered when he saw me, said I'd never have the guts to do it, he'd put me down like the cowardly dog I was. I begged him to leave us alone, promised he'd never see us again but he just kept coming. I remember him raising the rifle pointing it at Mum, still unconscious on the floor. There was a bang and I felt a jarring in my wrist, and he was on the floor. I'd only hit him in the thigh but he hit his head when he fell, so now he was unconscious too. I don't know how long I stood there staring at him before I remembered my Mum. I got the phone and called 911 and waited for the police and ambulance to arrive. I don't remember much after that; I guess I was in shock or something. I remember lots of faces asking lots of questions, lights, sounds, all I wanted to do was sleep. The first thing I remember with any clarity was my grandparents coming to get me from the police station. I hadn't spent a lot of time with them, my father liked to keep us as isolated as possible, but I remembered them being kind."

Once he had started he found it was like the floodgates had been opened and it was easier and easier to keep talking. "Anyway, so Mum and Dad were both taken to the hospital, Dad charged, I stayed with my grandparents for a while. It was quite an adjustment, I didn't know how to act and even after I realised they weren't going to hit me I was distrustful. I was waiting for the nice facade to come down and they to start treating me like I was used to, but they never did. Throughout the court case and while my parents recovered they were nothing but kind and patient with me, I didn't understand why they were being so nice, it didn't occur to me they didn't have an ulterior motive."

Deeks felt a weight lifted with every word, the worst part of the story was done, Kensi had heard it, he couldn't take it back now if he wanted to and to his surprise he found he didn't want to; he was glad she knew. "I was assigned a child advocate lawyer for the court case and he was really the first positive male role model I'd ever had in my life. He told me it wasn't my fault, none of it. I'd done the right thing, protected my mother. He said I was valuable and valued and there were people in the world that would love me and take care of me, not because of the things I do for them, but just because of me. He helped me so much, had such an impact on my life, he's the reason I became a lawyer. I wanted to be like him, give a voice to children who had never had one before, fight for their right to a life without fear and pain." He paused for a moment, seemingly lost in the memories. True to her word, Kensi remained silent throughout, her hand still tightly gripping his, steady and patient beside him.

"After the case was done Mum said she didn't want me back. I was upset at first, I still felt like she needed me to look after her. I knew she blamed me for my Dad being gone, I don't think she could imagine her life without him. Eventually I accepted it though, I didn't blame her or hate her, I understood why she was the way she was and mostly I felt sorry for her. I still worried about her though, when you spend your whole life trying to protect someone, it's not something you can just switch off when it's over. I'm actually grateful to her now, leaving me with my grandparents was perhaps the best thing she'd ever done for me as a mother. My Grandpa taught me how to be a man, what a real man was like, not like my Dad. My Grandma taught me how to love and let myself be loved, what unconditional love actually meant. When we got news that my Mum had been killed it broke them for a long time. She was their only child and she'd cut them out of her life for so long. It kills me that they are both gone now and they never got the answers they deserved. They loved me, supported me and made me the man I am today. They helped me through law school and were behind me all the way when I gave up being a lawyer to join the police academy. I wanted to help the victims before they became victims, and I thought being a cop was the best way to do that. I wanted to help find answers for other families because I couldn't find them for my own. My mother was far from perfect but she was a victim for most of her life, she didn't deserve to die like that and my grandparents deserved the answers they never got. I have a chance to make that right now and I have to see it through, I owe it to them, all of them."

Silence greeted the end of his story, Deeks was suddenly aware his face was wet. He didn't know when he'd started crying and the realisation made him a little self-conscious. He yanked his hand free of Kensi's and wiped his face quickly on his sheet, he looked over at her nervous to see her reaction. Kensi's face was also shining with tears but her dark eyes were radiating nothing but love and compassion. Deeks was so grateful she wasn't pulling away that the tears began anew. She pulled him to her and held him as he held her, arms encircling each other so tightly it was as if they would never let go. Kensi let him cry himself out making soothing noises and for a time they were the only two people in the world, everything else fell away.

Once he quieted, he pulled away reluctantly and looked back at her slightly embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get all upset on you".

Kensi just shook her head at his words, "Don't be ridiculous Marty, if I had been through what you've been through I don't know if I'd ever stop crying." Deeks smiled a little at this, surprised to find he did feel better, lighter somehow. The memories were still there, but it was as if they weren't as poisonous anymore, not as heavy; he felt he could carry them now and they wouldn't overwhelm him.

He also felt completely wrung out, deflated, like a balloon with all the air let out. About five steps past exhausted now, physically and emotionally he couldn't contain a yawn. Kensi noticed and said "I'll let you get some sleep, you look so tired. Thank you for talking to me Marty, for trusting me". She kissed him quickly and gently on the cheek, getting up to go.

Deeks immediately missed her warm presence and decided to try his luck. "Kens? Would you stay? I know my couch can't be too comfy and I could really use the company."

Kensi smiled that small, secret smile she only used around him and nodded. "Okay sure Deeks, I'll stay." She was touched he wanted her to stay but thought they both probably needed the comforting familiarity of a bit of teasing banter so she added with a playful glare "But if your hands venture anywhere they shouldn't, I'm warning you now, you'll lose a finger."

Deeks chuckled sleepily, "Noted. Don't worry Fern I'll be a perfect gentleman, I promise". Kensi rolled her eyes and walked softly back to the bed, getting all the covers back on and slipping underneath them.

They were both silent for a time and Kensi was sure Deeks was sound asleep when his voice came out of the darkness "Thanks Kensi... for listening, for not judging, for just being you. _Thank you_." Her hand found his under the covers and she squeezed it gently, "Anytime Deeks, anywhere. I'll always be here." Needing no more words they both drifted off to sleep, hands still tightly intertwined.

**I hope i didn't put anyone to sleep, hope you enjoyed it! I'd love any feedback... :) XXX**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you all so, so much for the reviews, alerts, faves etc for this story particularily for the last chapter, it was by far the most emotional chapter i'd written so i was very nervous about how it would be recieved. **

**As many of you probably know this is my first time writing and with this chapter i experienced another first- my first writers block. Consequently i'm not entirely happy with this but its all i have right now, so i hope you'll forgive me for the delay. A special thank you to loz-743 for your encouraging words, they really helped me get this chapter out.**

**Anyway, enough rambling, hope you enjoy, as ever please let me know your thoughts? XX**

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For the first time in months Deeks slept through the night soundly, Kensi's presence keeping the dreams at bay just as it had when they'd been undercover together. So exhausted was he that he didn't automatically wake at 5am like he normally did to go surfing but slept peacefully until a shard of sunlight peeking through the curtains fell across his eyes. He turned away from the harsh light, drifting slowly into consciousness.

Remembering the previous night he propped himself up on his elbow, studying the sleeping woman beside him. The sun's early morning rays turned her skin a more golden colour than usual, her dark curls spread wildly over the white of the pillow on which her head still rested, she snorted quietly in her sleep, making him smile fondly.

Deeks sighed to himself, his partner was beautiful, there was no doubt about that, but there was so much more to her than that. _She_ was so much more, in every way, than anyone he had ever met before. She wasn't perfect but her flaws only made him care about her more, and here she was sleeping soundly beside him, all to make sure he was okay. He shook his head silently, once again wondering how he was so lucky to have her in his life.

While he knew she would have to wake soon if they were to make it to work on time, he let her sleep a little longer and padded silently out of the bedroom to make breakfast. Deeks knew Kensi wasn't a morning person and considering their late night chat she would be pretty tired. He daren't even attempt to wake a tired, probably grumpy Kensi without something sweet to distract her so he quickly made pancake batter and started to cook, moving around the kitchen quietly humming to himself. As it turned out he didn't need to wake her as minutes later Kensi emerged, still in her pyjamas and trying to smooth her hair into some order with one hand while rubbing sleep out of her eyes with the other.

"I was about to come wake you, breakfast is almost ready", Deeks said turning and smiling, a sleepy Kensi really was adorable.

"Mmmm," Kensi mumbled, "I woke up and smelled pancakes cooking. For a moment I thought we were back at the house as Justin and Melissa, weird huh?"

Deeks chuckled at the memory, while there were times when undercover work was far from enjoyable, that wasn't one of them. Dangerous Russian sleeper agents aside, the opportunity to spend so much time with Kensi and see her in new and different ways made it a great time as far as he was concerned.

"Well I remembered how much you loved my pancakes and thought you might like some", Deeks said as he flipped the last pancake onto the Kensi's plate and put it on the table in front of her. Gathering toppings and cutlery he took his own plate and settled at the table opposite her.

Kensi hadn't waited for him and was burning her fingers on the hottest pancake in her eagerness for a taste, looking at her with amusement he handed her a fork, "Hungry Kens?"

Kensi glared at him and replied defensively "What? They're really good okay?"

"Well I'm glad you like them." Deeks was silent for a few moments, watching Kensi basically inhale her pancakes. "Look I uh... I just wanted to thank you for last night. It meant a lot to me that you wanted to be there and hear all my crap. You're a pretty awesome person Kens." Kensi looked surprised but pleased, a small blush colouring her cheeks at his last words.

"Don't mention it, thanks for trusting me. I meant everything I said, I'm with you all the way." They shared a brief but tender smile and finished their meal in comfortable silence, feeding occasional tidbits to a very happy Monty.

* * *

Arriving at the mission Kensi pulled into her spot and they quickly decided not to mention to the others that she had stayed over. Agreeing that it would only complicate things, Kensi pointed out, "They'd assume something happened, they don't understand how things are with us" she gestured, pointing between the two of them. "Yeah, no... got it" Deeks replied nodding, thinking to himself, _I don't think I even understand 'how things are with us'._

Thanks to the longer than intended breakfast, they were slightly late by the time they walked into the old building, so were surprised that Callen and Sam weren't in the bullpen. Exchanging a look, they noticed Hetty wasn't at her desk either and rushed upstairs to Ops, taking the steps two at a time.

Walking into the dark room they saw Hetty standing behind Eric and Nell who were typing furiously on their computers. "Mr. Deeks, Ms. Blye, nice of you to join us," Hetty said quietly without turning around, "I was about to become concerned". _How did she know it was us? _Deeks wondered to himself, trying in vain once more to figure out the enigma that was Henrietta Lange.

"Sorry Hetty, all my fault, I wasn't ready when Kensi came to pick me up this morning. Is there anything new?" Deeks said cutting to the chase.

"Indeed. Nell?" Hetty replied nodding briskly.

Nell stood and moved to the centre of the room "Bennett recently returned from a six month deployment to Afghanistan, his role was in helping train the Afghani Army for when the US and its allies pull out of the region. We've been looking for something that might indicate continuing involvement in drugs, but until now we've not been able to find anything."

Eric took over as Nell brought up several documents on the big screen. "Now we knew he was either out of the trade or he'd become better at hiding it because he's been looked at several times since the original murders and no-one has ever been able to come up with anything concrete. We looked into financials, phone records, everything but nothing popped."

"Until", Nell said taking over again "We looked closer at his wife Anne. Now digging a little deeper, Anne's grandfather owns a successful import/export company with several offshore accounts, millions in revenue and suppliers and buyers in several countries, however there are several problems we have uncovered regarding that. While on the surface everything seems legit; they pay their taxes, have all the right documents and permits and so on, but underneath,it appears to be a very well funded cover. Breaking through quite a lot of legal red tape Eric managed to find the real situation. Firstly the company seems to be a shell, none of the records we've uncovered seem to match up upon closer examination to the ones officially recorded. Secondly, the vast majority of the people it employs don't appear to exist. Finally, and here's the clincher, Anne Bennett's grandfather has advanced Alzheimer's, he has been in full time care in upstate New York for the last 15 years, safe to say, he's not running this company. It would seem any investigations conducted involving Peter Bennett since the original murders have focused on him and haven't looked into Anne's background at all, there was never any reason to be suspicious."

Hetty looked at her two youngest agents carefully, "While this gives us something to work with, it does little to immediately help us with this investigation. Callen and Sam are speaking with Bennett's C.O right now; but we need to tread carefully on this. If we spook Bennett he may run, and if he's as well funded as this new information indicates, he could easily disappear. We will question Mr and Mrs Bennett eventually but for the moment we need more information. Eric and Nell will continue working here and I'd like you two to go to the boatshed. There you will find a man awaiting your questioning. He was Bennett's rack mate 20 years ago. He is no longer in the Marines and while he was questioned at the time it came to nothing. Maybe you two can do a better job?"

"Got it" replied Deeks, and he and Kensi rushed out of Ops.

* * *

Arriving at the boatshed Kensi looked over at her partner as she had been periodically throughout the trip. He had been unnaturally quiet and hadn't even complained when she'd changed the radio station to her favourite Techno. While she knew, and after last night completely understood, why he was being quiet it bothered her.

"You gonna be okay to do this Deeks?" She asked quietly, examining his face carefully, "I can interrogate him alone if you want? You could watch from the main room?"

Deeks shook himself and smiled over at Kensi, trying to be convincing when he replied "No Kens, I'm okay, I can handle it. No big deal, just another case, right?" Kensi looked at him in a way that clearly said _'You don't seriously expect me to believe that do you?' _but had no chance to question him further as he ducked out of the car and started walking into the boatshed.

Following Deeks into the building she saw the TV screen showing the interrogation room with a man sitting at the table. Eric's face was also on the screen taking up the top left-hand corner. Deeks spoke up, Eric had clearly been waiting for them, "Eric, what have you got on this guy, anything that might help us?"

Eric looked at them, seemingly just noticing they had arrived "Oh, hey guys! Okay, so... name, Joshua Davidson, 50, got out of the core 10 years ago after a couple of tours. Lives alone in Malibu, financials clean but not a lot of luck keeping a job after the Marines. A few arrests for drunk and disorderly and the like but nothing serious, uhh... he bunked with Bennett for 3 years, until he transferred to a different unit. That's about it kids. Good luck, let me know if you come up with anything okay?"

"Sure Eric, thanks" Kensi replied and Eric cut off his feed. Deeks took a deep breath, looked at Kensi and said with a bravado neither of them believed "Okay partner, let's do this thing."

* * *

When the agents walked in to the room the man seated inside looked up at them curiously. Deeks sat opposite him and Kensi rested against a table in the corner. She wanted to show Deeks she trusted him to take the lead on this, trusted his judgement when he said he could handle it. "Detective Marty Deeks, LAPD" He gestured to Kensi in the corner "Special Agent Kensi Blye, NCIS"

"NCIS?" the man replied, "What does NCIS want with me? I'm not in the core anymore".

To put it kindly, Joshua Davidson was a mess. Unshaven, he was long overdue for a haircut and based on the smell emanating from him, a potent combination of sweat, alcohol and vomit, he could use a shower and a few days to sober up. More than is appearance though, as Deeks looked into the man's bloodshot eyes he saw nothing there. It was as if he was a shell, anything that was once inside now seemed long dead.

It chilled him seeing this man who had once served his country so empty, existing rather than living. Above all else he found he felt sorry for the sad creature seated before him, but he needed answers, hopefully Joshua still remembered something.

"Joshua, do you mind if I call you Joshua?" the man shrugged indifferently so Deeks went on. "Joshua, I need to ask you a few questions. It's about a man called Peter Bennett" at the name Joshua stiffened visibly, Kensi noted the reaction but Deeks went on, "you used to be rack mates with him when you were in the Marines? Do you remember him?"

He fidgeted in his seat licking his lips as if he was itching for a drink, Deeks recognised the signs from his days living with an alcoholic father and knew Joshua would want to get out of there as quickly as possible to satiate his everlasting thirst.

"Yeah, I guess... sure, why? Haven't seen him in ages though, not since I got reassigned"

Deeks nodded encouragingly "Thats okay, now do you remember he was being investigated about 20 years ago, about smuggling drugs into the country?"

"Yeah, I remember. But I had nothing to do with that! I asked to be reassigned before the investigation was even over! I don't know anything about it!" he was becoming increasingly anxious.

Deeks made calming gestures with his hands trying to reassure the man "Okay, that's okay, I'm not suggesting you were involved, just trying to sort a few things out okay? Now, why did you request to be reassigned at that time, all reports seemed to indicate you were doing very well where you were?" Deeks was bluffing but Joshua seemed to be buying it.

Joshua looked everywhere but at Kensi or Deeks, eyes searching the room as if bidden to memorise it. "I uhh... I wanted to try something new, no big deal". Deeks could read him like a book; it wasn't hard to see the man was lying, though to be fair in his desperation for a drink he wasn't really at his best.

Deeks nodded his head thoughtfully, looked at the desk in front of him as he continued. "Mmmm, okay. Are you sure that's it Joshua? Cos' you know what I think happened? I think maybe you heard something you shouldn't have. Maybe you thought Bennett and his business partners might find out. Maybe you thought it would be safer to get away from them before they suspected what you knew?" Deeks forced his voice and face to remain impassive as he threw out his last point "Maybe you knew he'd killed people before, he'd have no qualms killing you, and so you kept your mouth shut all these years?"

Deeks finally raised his head from studying the wood of the table and examined the affect his words had had on the pitiful creature opposite. Joshua looked horrified, he couldn't hide it, his wide terrified eyes stared at Deeks as he started shaking and all of a sudden what little resistance he'd had, crumbled.

"You- you don't understand! He would have killed me! The things he did" His body shuddered violently as his shouts filled the small space "if he finds out I said anything he'll find me- kill me! I... I can't forget, don't you get it?! All these years, it's always there" he bashed his head with his hand, "in here! I can't get it out, I can't un-hear it, it won't be quiet! I can't- I can't..." He dropped his head onto the table and cried with such utter pain and despair that would hurt the heart of anyone who heard it.

Deeks reached across the table and gripped the other mans arm, "Listen to me Joshua. Joshua, are you listening?" Joshua raised his head fixing his gaze with Deeks's as tears continued to stream silently down his face. Seeing his had his full attention Deeks went on, "We can protect you from him if need be, but we need you to tell us what you know. Knowing something like this, keeping it inside, is like poison; you need to get it out or it will remain, festering until it destroys you."

Deeks sat up, trying to regard Joshua objectively, but there was still an element of pleading in his eyes. "You're a _Marine_. You served your country proudly for years, I know that you know the right thing to do, the only honourable thing to do, now all you have to do is do it."

The room fell into silence. As Joshua composed himself he seemed to be internally fighting between fear and duty, honour. Deeks waited patiently watching him as Kensi looked between the two. She had to admit she was impressed by Deeks' interrogation, it looked like Davidson was going to crack and they might have their first solid lead on the case, with his constant jokes sometimes it was easy to forget how good Deeks was at his job.

Slowly, Joshua stopped crying, he wiped his face on the back of his hand and sat up straighter, gathering himself together he raised his head to look Deeks in the eye. It was as if Deeks' words had awoken something inside him and they were now seeing the proud Marine he had once been, somehow unrecognisable from the broken man of a few minutes earlier.

He took a deep breath and said, his voice steady "Okay, I'll tell you everything I know".

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**I know i'm mean, leaving a little cliffhanger there. I promise it won't take me as long to update this time, but let me know what you think? :P xxx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello lovely readers! As ever thanks to all the kind readers and reviewers who are sticking with me through this story, you're all amazing and i'm so very grateful :D**

**This chapter is a little shorter then the last couple but not my shortest, it just seemed like the place to end it where i did so i hope you'll forgive me. This is mainly Joshua's story and the parts about women made me feel horrible to write, i hope it doesn't turn anyone off!**

**As usual please let me know your thoughts and enjoy!**

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The end of last chapter was a bit of a cliff-hanger, so just to refresh your memories these were the last lines:

_Slowly, Joshua stopped crying, he wiped his face on the back of his hand and sat up straighter, gathering himself together he raised his head to look Deeks in the eye. It was as if Deeks' words had awoken something inside him and they were now seeing the proud Marine he had once been, somehow unrecognisable from the broken man of a few minutes earlier._

_He took a deep breath and said, his voice steady "Okay, I'll tell you everything I know"._

* * *

Deeks sat up straighter and all his focus was fixed on the man opposite him, no-one in the room breathed as they waited for Joshua to start his story. Deeks could be patient; Joshua seemed to have just pulled himself back from the brink of nothingness and was now willing to help them find the truth even if it meant risking his own life. He truly was a US Marine.

Joshua took a deep breath and closed his eyes, blocking out everything but the memories as he began. "I was young, naive in so many ways when I joined up, straight out of high school but I knew I wanted to serve, wanted to make it my career." He smiled, a crooked bitter smile at the memory.

"I did pretty well, got along with most everyone and looked up to the older guys. When I got assigned to Bennett's unit I was happy, proud. It was a good post where I was learning a lot. I bunked with Peter and he seemed okay, most people really liked him, especially the higher ups; he was good at his job, a fast learner, likable you know? But things were different, _he_ was different if we were alone, there was just something about him that seemed off when no one else was watching. It's not anything in particular he ever did or said, nothing I could put into words, so I ignored it and tried to stay out of his way. He didn't seem to notice me too much and I was grateful." All eyes in the room were glued to Joshua, Kensi and Deeks both lost in his story as he continued, the sounds of the ocean below playing a strangely soothing soundtrack.

"I got pretty sick one time while we were deployed, we were on the way home after a long tour and I'd had a rough time over there. I'd spent most of the week in sickbay and the Doc had sent me back to my own bunk with orders to sleep. I was already in bed when I heard Peter and a couple others coming, their voices seemed weird, all hushed and urgent. I dunno why I did it but I thought maybe it would be easier to just pretend to be asleep than face them so I did. When they walked in and stopped talking I knew they'd spotted me. I was facing the wall and after checking me they seemed satisfied I was asleep. They talked for what seemed like ages and it took everything I had not to react to some of the stuff they were saying, I think I was frozen, like I didn't know what to do so I did nothing." His voice, his hands, his entire body seemed to be shaking as he paused, eyes still tightly clenched shut.

"Can you tell me anything about what they said? Anything specific? Even the smallest thing could be really helpful", Deeks asked. He tried to keep his tone gentle and encouraging but he was eager, he felt like they were on the verge of getting some real information.

Joshua nodded stiffly and unsuccessfully tried to get the shaking under control before going on. "Peter's voice was the only one I recognised, I don't know who the others were, I never saw their faces. They talked about supplies of something that they had brought aboard. They were talking prices they were gonna get once we docked and how they were going to get it off the ship. Of course I know now they were talking about the drugs, but I had no idea at the time I swear." His voice took on a pleading tone as he continued, begging them to understand, begging for forgiveness.

"I think Peter was already being looked at by then by some kind of authorities because the others were going to take his share off the ship in case he got searched too thoroughly, I don't know how they got it off the ship. It was like some kind of weird business meeting and once all those plans had been settled they started to relax and joke around."

His eyes opened at last and flickered to Kensi, ashamed at what he was about to say, "They were talking about girls and where they would find them and... what they were going to do to them when they got off. One of them was joking with Peter saying about how he had a ready supply of girls just waiting to do his bidding, cos' he could give them what they needed, then the other said he didn't have as many as he used to. Peter got angry then, ranting about how women couldn't be trusted. They had their uses, and he made it clear exactly what he thought their uses were." Every time he tried to tear his gaze away from Kensi it was inevitably pulled back. Having to say these things was bad enough but saying them with a woman standing there was even worse, the memories made him feel dirty, like he could never be clean again.

"He said- he said women were like animals, dogs, who needed the firm hand of a master. If they didn't do what they were told or turned on their master then they needed to be put down like the dogs they were. He- he said he'd had someone turn on him, he wasn't sure who so he got rid of a few, just to make sure, like they were meaningless trinkets tossed away without a second thought. The others laughed, congratulated him in a job well done, they said he was a great man who knew how to handle his business. They all laughed, laughed and joked about _murdering people_, and I just lay there." Joshua's voice took on a hard and bitter edge, the shame and self loathing he had been carrying for two decades finally out in the open.

"I swore an oath to serve my country and protect people and I just lay there. I don't deserve to be called a Marine; I don't even deserve to be called a man. I transferred and never saw him again. I am a coward and no amount of service, no sacrifice can wipe that from my memory or my conscience. If I live for a thousand years I can never make it right. I'm sure you probably hate me right now, but be assured Detective I hate myself much, much more."

Deeks cleared his throat to try to remove the lump that had settled there. This once proud man had been carrying the guilt and shame of another for twenty years, another life ruined by one greedy man. "You, Joshua Davidson, United States Marine, have _nothing_ to apologise for, _nothing _to be ashamed of, and there is not a single part of me that hate's you _at all_. The information you gave today could help us put the man who actually is responsible for all this away for the rest of his life. Thank you for your honesty and bravery today. I want you to know we're gonna get you some help, you deserve a better life than the one you've been living lately and I'm going to help you get it back on track."

Joshua still looked broken, he clearly didn't believe he'd earned the right to any sort of decent life. He got up when Deeks did and shook the offered hand. "I hope it helps, I've buried it too long, it was time I faced it, I'm so sorry it took me so long." Deeks shook his head and replied, "No, thank you. I owe you a debt of gratitude, for your help today and for your service, you're a good man Joshua, you matter."

Deeks and Kensi drove Joshua home and made their way back to the mission in silence, each thinking about and working over everything they had just heard. After what Joshua had had to say Deeks was sure they had enough to get Hetty to agree to pull in Mr. and Mrs. Bennett for a little chat and Deeks couldn't wait to see the look on smug Peter Bennett's face when he personally saw to it he was locked up for the rest of his worthless life. The list of people who deserved justice was getting longer every day.

**Hope you enjoyed, let me know, i love feeback it makes me happy dance :P xxx**


	11. Chapter 11

**So sorry for the looong delay and for the shortness of this chapter, i've had a pretty crazy couple of weeks, being a carer it can get like that sometimes :P**

**Anyway, thankyou so, so much to everyone who reads and reviews, favorites and alerts, especially the reviews, every one of them means so much.**

**I'm struggling a little with this story at times so any ideas, suggestions, feedback etc is always welcomed and appreciated. I'll stop blabering on now, hope you enjoy the chapter. XXX**

* * *

"Mr. Callen, Mr Hanna," Hetty greeted her two senior agents as they returned, hoping they had something useful to get this damn case moving. "What did Bennett's C.O. have to say? Please tell me something useful?"

Callen shook his head, frustrated, his partner close behind him. "No, nothing. He said he's a good Marine, follows orders, learns and works quickly, well liked by his team. I don't know Hetty, maybe we're coming at this from the wrong perspective, he's too smart. With only the DNA there's not enough to nail him, we need a smoking gun, a confession or witness, or something! We need to _do something_." He rubbed his hands over his short hair, turning away.

Sam looked at Hetty, voice quiet and persuasive as he tried to convince her, "Maybe it's time we talked to Mr. and Mrs. Bennett. They weren't yet married when this all went down but maybe she knows something, I think we've exhausted all other options at this point".

Hetty considered Callen and Sam's arguments, pursing her lips she replied, "Wait to see what Mr. Deeks and Ms. Blye have to say before we decide our next move. Until they get back I suggest you two get a start on the paperwork that his threatening to take over your desks."

Hetty climbed the stairs to Ops as Callen and Sam shared glum looks. Sam shrugged and Callen knew without needing to hear it that Sam was saying _'just do it G. You know she's probably still watching. _Rolling his eyes Callen trudged towards his desk to attack the paperwork mountain accumulated there.

Thankfully Callen and Sam were not left to suffer too long as just half an hour later Kensi and Deeks strode into the mission. Judging by the renewed spring in their step and the determined look on Deeks' face as he climbed the steps to Ops they knew the young partners had found something good. As she approached the foot of the stairs behind her partner Kensi turned, walking backwards and gestured to Sam and Callen to follow them.

Eric, Nell and Hetty turned quickly, momentarily startled by the sudden arrival of Kensi and Deeks in Ops.

Deeks seemed excited, radiating with nervous energy and a renewed determination. "Hetty, we need to pull in the Bennett's. Davidson told us that he heard Peter Bennett basically admitting to killing those women twenty years ago. He's willing to testify, he'll talk about what he heard about the drugs and the murders. We pull him in, get a confession and put him away where he belongs."

He was almost pacing as he spoke, fidgeting, a couple of steps one way then the other, trying to convince Hetty to let him bring the Bennett's in. Finally he stopped in front of his tiny boss "Hetty, this can work! We pull in Bennett and interrogate him with the information we have, the DNA and Davidson's testimony."

Hetty's had been watching her liaison as he moved to and fro before her, now her eyes drifted slowly from Kensi to Sam, to Callen, the senior agents having arrived midway through Deeks' proposal. Kensi's expression was guarded but she nodded slightly in response to Hetty's unspoken question, agreeing with Deeks' assessment of the situation and the best way forward.

After considering her options for a few more moments Hetty made her decision and spoke to the room at large while her eyes remained fixedly on Deeks' face. "Okay, we bring in the Bennett's. Sam and Callen take Peter to the boatshed and talk to him there. Eric will send you the address and the video of Davidson's interview, everything you need to get up to speed. Kensi, talk to Anne Bennett at her house, see what you can get from her, but be careful with her. Indications are she's probably yet another victim of her husband. Take Nell, you will get more from her without a man present". Hetty watched Deeks carefully as she said this, knowing he would resist, vigorously. She was not disappointed.

"He- Hetty! You're benching me?!"

"No, Mr Deeks I am not. But you cannot interrogate Peter Bennett. You look very like your mother, it's possible he could make the connection. Besides, I don't think it's a good idea for you to be that close to him. You are not the best person to talk to Mrs. Bennett either. A woman abused by a man is far more likely to open up to another woman."

Some distant part of Deeks brain could hear the logic behind her words but none of it reached him. Just minutes before he had been planning exactly what he would say to the man that ruined so many lives, how he would outsmart him, get him to confess and see him behind bars for the rest of his worthless life. He had felt like it was finally in reach, justice so close he could see it, touch it, as clear as if it were playing out in front of him. Now to be told that, not only would he not be anywhere near Peter Bennett, he wouldn't even be allowed to back up his partner in talking to the wife?

"But Hetty, Kensi's my partner, Nell's not even an agent, surely, I could at least.."

Hetty cut him off, voice apologetic but firm, "No. I'm sorry Detective, my decision is final."

Deeks spun on his heel and stormed out of Ops, glancing briefly at Kensi on his way out, he left before saying something he might later regret.

The silence was heavy and the tension thick following his departure and after a few slightly awkward moments Hetty broke the ringing silence. "Well, what are you all waiting for? You have your orders, there's work to be done."

**Hope you enjoyed, if you're still with me please let me know what you think? XXX**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi everyone! I once again apologise for the delay in updating, life tends to get in the way, nothing terribly cheerful so i won't bore you with the details. **

**Anyways, this is a longer sort of chapter so i hope that makes up a little for the time between chapters, and considering this is a story about Deeks, well Deeks isn't in this chapter so i hope that's okay. As ever thankyou times a million to everyone who reads, reviews, alerts, favorites etc etc, you're all my favorite people!**

**So on with the story, and as usual let me know what you think? xxx**

* * *

Sam' s challenger wound its way slowly through the LA traffic, it was only the beginning of peak time but already the streets were clogged. The trip to the base to pick up Bennett was taking longer than they had hoped and Sam tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, agitated, while he listened in to his partner's conversation with Eric. Sam and Callen had been together long enough that Sam didn't need to hear the whole conversation to know exactly what was going on.

"Eric sending the info on Bennett now?" Sam said as Callen hung up the phone.

"Yep." Callen replied. "Kensi and Nell left just after we did; I think Eric is feeling a little hassled without Nell to help in Ops. I got the impression that Hetty was there which probably just makes it worse."

Sam chuckled and Callen smirked, both men amused by the idea of a hassled and frustrated Eric alone in Ops with Hetty.

Callens phone beeped in his hand and he opened it reading the information Eric had sent through.

"Okay, according to his cell phone Bennett is currently on base, he's scheduled on duty for another 2 hours. So we'll swing by, pick him up and have a friendly chat with him in the boatshed." As he spoke he continued scrolling through all the data sent by Eric. "We have the DNA and lab results... uhh... original case info...ok... oh wow!"

"What?" said Sam keeping his eyes on the road with difficulty.

Callen looked up briefly at his partner before his eyes were pulled back to the small screen once more. "There's a transcript from the interview Deeks did earlier with one Joshua Davidson. According to this he's a pretty great witness and willing to testify. There's some potentially damning stuff here, I can't wait to see how Bennett tries to explain all this away. This could be the break we needed."

"Care to share?" asked Sam, frustrated by Callen's cryptic words.

Callen smiled in response "Okay partner, you drive and I'll read you the interview, I might even do the voices if you're extra nice". Sam rolled his eyes still smiling as they finally turned off the highway.

* * *

The car was silent as Kensi and Nell made their way to the Bennett house. Kensi was, of course, driving and could feel Nell looking at her at regular intervals and then quickly looking away again. She felt like she was being studied and didn't appreciate the sensation.

Nell for her part was worried, Kensi was her friend and she knew how important this case was to her, she didn't want to screw anything up. Nell knew very well the likelihood of running into trouble interviewing Mrs. Bennett alone in her home was seriously minimal but she wanted to be prepared.

As an intelligence analyst with NCIS OSP she had received much the same training as the other agents. Unlike Eric she had been trained with a weapon and knew how to use the Sig at her waist if need be. That said, she knew she didn't have the experience and knowledge that Deeks and the others did. She wanted to assure Kensi that since she couldn't have Deeks with her Nell would have her back if anything went awry. Trying to put these assurances into words however, was proving surprisingly difficult for the normally articulate analyst.

"What?" Kensi finally demanded after catching Nell once again staring then quickly averting her gaze. Kensi's patience already brittle, cracked completely. "What Nell? Do I have something on my face? Some sort of horrible alien growth perhaps? Cos' that would _really_ explain the staring."

Nell jumped a little, startled at being caught. Looking over again at Kensi's now irritated face, she grimaced guiltily. "No, sorry I... I didn't mean to stare or anything, I was just- I just wanted-" Nell couldn't believe she was actually stuttering but being out in the field as Kensi's temporary partner was harder than she expected.

She shook herself getting her rambling under control. "I'm sorry Kensi. I know you'd rather have Deeks here with you but I just wanted to let you know, I won't let you down. I know nothing's going to go wrong or anything but just in case, I have your back."

Kensi looked over at Nell surprised by her words, the smaller woman was gazing determinedly out the window, her face set as if concentrating to get her point across firmly and convincingly. Kensi smiled softly, touched by her friend's words. "I know you have my back Nell. And don't apologise, it's not your fault Deeks isn't here. I get why Hetty pulled him off the interviews but still... it's weird investigating without him." She smiled again, reassuring Nell, "Besides, I'm glad you're here. Deeks seriously never shuts up Nell, you're so small and not- not annoying. A girl needs a break sometimes."

Nell laughed along with Kensi, enjoying the girl time. She'd said what she wanted to and was assured Kensi wasn't mad at her for being here instead of her partner. Regardless of anything Kensi might say Nell knew how much the shaggy detective meant to her friend, the sooner this interview was over, the sooner they could get back to Ops and their respective partners.

* * *

"Gunny Bennett," Callen said quietly, slowly, one by one, laying out pictures on the surface of the rough wooden table in the interrogation room of the boatshed. "Anything you can tell me about these pictures?"

Bennett stared at Callen from across the table seemingly bored by the proceedings. His salt and pepper hair and lined face were the only indications of his advancing age. He was powerfully built, tall with dark intelligent eyes and had agreed to accompany the agents calmly and without complaint.

"Nope" he replied, he seemed to radiate arrogance which irritated Sam, he _really_ wanted to knock him down a peg or two.

Callen raised an eyebrow, struggling to remain polite and detached. "You didn't even look at the pictures Peter. How can you be sure you don't know anything?"

Peter sighed and with deliberate slowness dropped his gaze from Callen's face to the images on the table. Dismissively he pushed the pictures away and said again "Nope".

"Well these are images of the women whose disappearances and murders you were questioned about 20 years ago, and these.." he selected three pictures from the pile and lay them out again in front of the suspect, "these were taken at a crime scene where the badly beaten body of one Mary Brandel was found, familiar at all?"

Callen examined the other mans features carefully, he'd been in this game a long time and was skilled at reading people. Peter shrugged "They questioned me, they never found anything, sure I knew Mary so what? I didn't kill anyone, had nothing to do with any of it." He still seemed calm, unconcerned, like he was so convinced he was untouchable.

Callen decided to start on the attack, see how Peter tried to explain away the new evidence. "Okay so according to the original interview you gave you and Mary were simply acquaintances correct?"

Sam saw Callens technique of letting the suspect talk themselves into a corner as Bennett nodded agreement at Callens words, but wasn't convinced it would work this time, Bennett was smart and he'd escaped justice this long.

"So," Callen continued, "can you explain how we recently discovered your DNA on Mary Brandel's body?"

Peter stared back at the agent with dead eyes taking a moment before responding, a sick smirk breaking out on his face, "Yep, sure can. I was sleeping with her, pretty sure I did her around the time she went missing. I don't remember for sure though, I'm sure you can understand, our..uh.. time together wasn't that memorable."

Both agents wanted nothing more at this point than to knock this guy out and drag his ass to jail, maybe let Kensi loose on him for an hour or so, teach him a thing or two about women.

"So you had sex with her that night and it was consensual?" Peter laughed and the sound was horrible, arrogant and superior, "Of course. The bitch wanted it, wanted me. I left her that night, never saw her again. Don't remember ever seeing any of these others. Like I've said before I had nothing to do with any of it."

As repulsive as it was, it was plausible that Bennett's story explained the DNA found on the body, all they had now was Joshua's testimony and circumstantial evidence. "Around the time of these disappearances and murders you were serving in a unit with a man called Joshua Davidson, do you recall him at all?"

Peter rolled his eyes once again bored now that the talk had veered away from his sex life. "No, served with a lot of people though, and that was a long time ago."

"Well" said Callen, pulling out their ace card, "he remembers you. In fact he recalls a conversation he overheard you having around that very time. It seems to have disturbed him at the time enough to remember it in great detail all these years later. A very interesting story he had to tell, would you like to hear it?"

Peter seemed interested despite himself and nodded, finally dropping the bored mask. Sam picked up a small remote and pressed play, the plasma screen set up in the corner lit up showing parts of Deeks' interview with Davidson from earlier that day.

Callens eyes remained fixed on Peter's face watching his reactions to the tape. When it was finished Peter's bored expression was back, "Seems like a pretty great story but it never happened. I mean look at that guy, looks like you dragged him out of a dumpster behind a bar. Let's face it you guys have got nothing on me, DNA that I've already explained and a drunk spouting some bullshit story. Anything else gentlemen?"

Callen's feelings towards Bennett were quickly moving past dislike and straight into hate, he may think he had the upper hand but this was not over. "Davidson is willing to testify, we're talking to your wife now, so if there's anything you'd like to tell us you should get it out now while there's still some hope we could tell the courts you co-operated."

Peter pretended to think about it tapping his chin mockingly, "Umm, no, can't think of anything. So, am I under arrest? Do you have some reason to hold me, or can we end this charade and get back to work?"

Callen and Sam exchanged a look, silently comparing what they'd actually like to do to this guy, Sam answered his deep voice calm but threatening at the same time, "You're free to go. For now".

* * *

Kensi and Nell pulled up outside the Bennett home, a modest suburban house like any other on the street.

It's amazing what can be hidden behind a closed door.

Walking up the path to the front door, Kensi in the lead she said to Nell, "Remember kid gloves okay?" Nell nodded knowing they needed to be gentle with Mrs. Bennett but also get any information she had.

Anne opened the door after Kensi knocked; looking confused and surprised to see the two women at her door. "Can I help you?"

"Agent Kensi Blye, Nell Jones NCIS, we'd like to ask you a few questions if that's okay?"

Anne looked nervous "My-my husband isn't here"

"That's okay, I'm sure you'll be able to help. Can we come in?"

"Yes, of course, sorry, how rude of me." Anne stepped back from the door and ushered them into the small sitting room. "Can I, uh, offer either of you a drink? Coffee? Something to eat?"

"No, thankyou" said Kensi as Nell shook her head also.

"Oh okay." Anne was anxious and timidly sat on a chair facing the other two "So, what did you want to ask me about?"

Kensi took a moment to try to phrase this in a way that wouldn't frighten the mouse-like woman before them, "About your husband Peter. Were you aware he was investigated two decades ago for murder and drug trafficking?"

"Yes, but I didn't know him then, so I don't know how I could help you with that."

"Have you ever asked him about it? About what happened back then?"

"Yes but he wouldn't say, he doesn't like me to ask about- he doesn't like to talk about the past. But I know him; he's a good man, a good husband. He would never do anything like that, I know he wouldn't."

"We have some evidence that suggests he may have been involved" Anne stared into her lap where her fingers were twisting restlessly, shaking her head vehemently at Kensi's words. "Has he ever brought strange people to the house, strange phone calls, has money ever gone missing without explanation or does he go out a lot without explanation?"

Anne just continued shaking her head,"Please Anne, anything you could think of might help"

Anne finally looked up meeting Kensi's eyes,"No, he-he never brings people here, he works a lot and needs to let off steam sometimes so he looks after the money. He loves me; he's my husband so he looks after things."

This was going nowhere fast and Kensi was starting to think this was a waste of time. It appeared Anne didn't know anything and was so under her husband's spell it seemed like she wouldn't recognise it if he was doing something suspicious.

Nell decided to try one final plan of attack "Anne, do you think Peter would ever be capable of hurting a woman?" Anne's eyes widened slightly before she ducked her head to stare once more at her twisting fingers.

Nell reached across the space between their chairs and took one of Anne's hands in hers stilling the anxious digits. "Anne, has he ever hurt you?"

"No", Anne's voice was so soft it would not have been heard had the room not been utterly silent; she still refused to look at Nell or Kensi. "Why... why would you think that?"

"There are reports of domestic disturbances at this address and suspected domestic abuse reported on three separate occasions by the local hospital, you never pressed charges."

Anne's leg was shaking uncontrollably but she didn't seem to notice or care. "They were all misunderstandings, I – I've always been a clumsy person so I get hurt sometimes, but it's always my fault. Sometimes he gets upset and stressed and yells but he doesn't mean it, he loves me, he's everything to me. No. He wouldn't have hurt those women, he wouldn't hurt me."

Hearing Anne's words made Kensi's blood boil, what she wouldn't give to teach Peter Bennett some respect for women, see how he fared after she made him feel everything he'd inflicted on this poor creature.

Nell felt like she was getting somewhere but she also knew she couldn't force Anne to see the truth. "Sometimes, no matter how much we love someone, and even if they love us back, it's not good to be with them. They're bad for us, poisonous, and to live our lives we have to let them go, no matter how much it hurts. I'm pretty clumsy myself but I know that if I ever was in trouble I have friends like Kensi here, that I could go to and rely on. We think Peter is involved in some very serious stuff, I know you love him but you could have a life without him. There is never a reason, nothing you could do or not do that would make it okay for him to hurt you."

"He doesn't –" Anne tried to protest but Nell waved it away, everyone in that room knew she was lying, to them or to herself wasn't clear.

"I'm just saying. Anne I understand you feel like you maybe don't know anything useful, or like you can't really talk to us but you're in this not alone." After a few moments in which it became clear Anne was not going to respond Nell continued. "We'll get out of your hair but I want you to think about what we've said. Here is my number, call if you think of anything or if you need anything, a place to go, help or just to talk. Promise you'll call if you need to okay? Day or night."

Anne stared at the small card Nell had handed to her as the two women got up. They didn't want to force Anne, possibly spooking her and scaring her away. Hopefully she would come to them. "I'm sorry I couldn't help more, I just really don't know anything" she said as she let them out the door.

"No, not at all, thanks for your help" said Kensi.

"Don't forget Anne, call okay?" said Nell turning on the top step. The older woman nodded and closed the door with a gentle click.

Walking back down the path behind Kensi, Nell couldn't help but feel a powerful sense of foreboding. She wasn't convinced that Anne would call for help if she needed it and for some reason she couldn't shake the felling that the woman behind that particular closed door was in danger.

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**Oooohhh! Dum dum DUUUUUMMMMM! Sorry, a little sleepy right now, hope you enjoyed, let me know X**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hi everyone! I know its been an awfully long time and i'm terrible for keeping you waiting, i have a really good excuse though i promise! **

**Anyway i hope i still have readers left after all this time, i promise to try to be better with updates from now on :)**

**This chapter is for all those people who wanted Callen to talk to Deeks, if you're still with me, i'm sorry it took so long but i finally got there :D**

**Again a thousand apologies for the long wait and i hope you enjoy the chapter, let me know what you thought and if i still have any readers left? ;)**

* * *

The ride back to ops was a quiet one for Callen and Sam, both men clearly frustrated at how the interview with Bennett had gone. Hopefully they had at least spooked Peter into making some sort of move that they could catch him out on, make him do something stupid. For now they would have to keep watch and keep trying to find some way to catch the bastard.

Entering the mission side by side Sam made a beeline for Hetty's desk but Callen didn't follow. Sam looked around when he noticed this and the partners had a short silent exchange in which Sam understood Callen was going to find Deeks. Nodding his agreement he made his way alone to Hetty to report on their interview with Peter Bennett. Hetty looked up as he approached setting her tea cup down on its saucer in front of her, careful not to spill the steaming liquid.

"Mr. Hanna, how did things go with our suspect?"

"Not great Hetty. He had an excuse for everything, including the new DNA evidence, it's gonna be hard to disprove his story. Joshua Davidson's testimony will help but unfortunately, as Bennett pointed out, he has substance abuse issues that could work against his credibility in court."

Sam shook his head resting his hands on his knees, as usual he looked simultaneously relaxed and ready to spring into action at a moment's notice; it was an interesting juxtaposition. "I don't know Hetty, we need more if we want to charge him and make it stick, otherwise he's going to walk. Again."

"Ahh, but you're forgetting; this is not a normal case. This involves one of our own; we will find a way to get it done. Rest assured Mr. Hanna, it's what we do." Sam nodded and gave her a small smile. Getting up he headed upstairs to Ops.

Hetty could hear herself, calm and reassuring. Internally she was conflicted but she knew she had to put on a good show for the agents. Sometimes being a good leader was about pretending you were in control even when you weren't. Hetty didn't know if this case would come to a good conclusion but having her people doubt it helped no-one, so she pretended, she reassured and she was in control. She was Hetty.

* * *

Callen knew where Deeks would be simply because it was where he himself would be if their places were reversed. Given the option of either going home or staying around the mission while the others went into the field would have been frustrating but he knew Deeks would never voluntarily go home and risk being left out of the investigation.

Walking down the few steps into the gym Callen was unsurprised to find Deeks was the only one there. For someone who was normally so at ease with people, Deeks seemed to radiate an angry energy as he beat up one of the heavy bags that were strung up in the workout area.

Everything about Deeks screamed stay away so Callen understood why no-one else was working out right now, probably having fled within minutes of the young man's arrival, unsure and uneasy around this new and very different version of Detective Deeks.

Deeks didn't look up as Callen casually sauntered over to the area where Deeks was, but the tiniest tightening of his shoulders told Callen that Deeks knew he was there regardless of the fact that he had yet to pass into the other mans line of sight.

After a few more minutes of Deeks bashing up the bag and Callen lifting a few weights, Deeks finally spoke, his voice breathy from his workout but still with a hint of anger in it. "What do you want Callen? If I needed a babysitter I think Kensi's got that covered already".

He was angry and bitter and Callen could understand why, hell, he'd spent a fair amount of time punching that very same bag. "Nope not babysitting, just working out. You know it would work a lot better if someone was holding that bag still, you get way more out of the workout that way".

Callen kept his tone light and casual and his face carefully innocent as Deeks stopped punching and, breathing heavily, turned to face Callen with a look that clearly said he knew exactly what the older agent was doing. With the barest hint of a smile in his blue eyes Deeks replied "You offering?" Callen, glad that Deeks was willing to play along shrugged, and put his weights back on the stand walked over to stand opposite Deeks and held the bag steady.

Deeks threw a few experimental punches and seemed to notice the difference as he grunted and said "Yeah, okay, it's a little better". Smiling to himself Callen thought about what Sam had said about him being able to understand what Deeks was going through on a different level than anyone else and decided to try to talk to the shaggy Detective.

"Well, I know a bit about this heavy bag, spent quite a lot of time here, doing what you're doing now"

"Oh yeah?" Deeks challenged, "And what am I doing now?"

"You're going through some ridiculously tough things, you're angry and frustrated and probably a dozen other things that you can't even name and you're taking it all out on this bag. And on yourself.

Deeks's punches got harder and faster as Callen spoke and the senior agent had to adjust his stance a few times to keep holding the bag steady, Deeks was stronger than he looked. Other than the increased ferocity of the hits Deeks didn't reply and Callen hadn't really expected him to.

"It's funny how some things from our past are never really in the past, although we like to think they are." Deeks kept up the assault on the bag and Callen continued the one sided conversation, knowing that Deeks was hearing what he was saying.

"Sometimes things that we thought were over and done with, crop up in our lives and make us face them all over again. I think, for me at least, one of the worst parts is that it makes you remember and revisit those times you've worked so hard to forget and overcome and then it seems like it might threaten the life you have now. I've looked for answers and I'll keep looking until I find them but my past cannot threaten my life now unless I let it. It doesn't dictate who I am or my future."

"I grew up feeling like I belonged nowhere and to no one, I saw things that I can't ever forget; and at first looking for answers about my past was about finding my place. But it's just one of those things," he shook his head laughing gently, "Hetty told me a saying once, not too long ago: life is what happens while you're busy making other plans. My life was all about finding answers about my past to find where I belonged, while doing that I found my place. Here. NCIS OSP is where I belong and I found it without realising that that was what I was looking for."

Deeks had been pounding the heavy bag relentlessly throughout and paused briefly to wipe the sweat and his hair out of his eyes, his eyes flickered up to Callen's before he resumed the beating. "You still want answers though, you'd do anything".

Callen nodded his head, "Sure I do. But I'm not afraid of my past now, it doesn't control me; cos' no matter what I find, no matter how long it takes me, I have a safe place to fall, a family. And unlike the many past versions of family I've had, this family won't abuse me, won't use me or trade me in when they get sick of having me around. If I live till I'm 80 I know I'm going to be sitting on a porch somewhere arguing with Sam about who saved who's ass during cases from a life time ago." This image startled a laugh out of Deeks who found he was feeling a little better despite himself. "Just like I know you're going to be pulling Kensi's pigtails for a very long time to come, you know, unless she kills you first".

Deeks laughed again and finally stopped attacking the bag, puffing like he'd run a marathon. He looked at Callen while he ripped off his boxing gloves with his teeth. "I need to be on this case Callen. If it were you, your past, your answers; would you be content to just sit back and let the rest of us investigate?"

Callen looked at Deeks critically, he already knew the answer. "No, I wouldn't. Tell anyone I said this and I'll deny it but we seem to have a lot in common Deeks. I get where you're coming from, I'll talk to Hetty okay?"

"Thanks man" Deeks was relieved, if anyone could convince Hetty to allow Deeks to be more active in the case it was Callen. They gave each other a short man-hug the tension in the room broken.

Callen screwed up his nose as they separated, "Oh wow, I know what Kensi was talking about when she complained about you after a workout. You need a shower man." Deeks laughed and rolled his eyes "Kensi loves my smell, she just doesn't want to admit it." Callen chuckled as he made his way out of the gym, grateful Kensi didn't hear that, he really didn't feel like hearing the two of them bickering for the rest of the day.

* * *

Standing under the steaming water in the men's showers for the second time in as many days, Deeks let the heat and the massaging spray ease the tension from his muscles. He felt better after his time spent in the gym, taking out his feelings on the punching bag had done him good as had the conversation with Callen.

Though Deeks already knew as much about Callen's history as any of them (with the obvious exceptions of Hetty and Sam), he'd never really considered the similarities between them before, it was nice to know there was someone there who truly understood because they'd been there. He supposed he'd never noticed the likeness between them partly because he never spent a lot of time with Callen and partly because the person he'd been in the past and the history that was attached to that person, was so different from who he had become.

A stinging sensation brought his attention to his hands; he hadn't bothered to tape them before going at it with the heavy bag and had ignored the pain in them after a while. Now as he held them under the water he knew he'd regret the lapse if for no other reason than that Kensi would notice and have something to say. The cuts were shallow and the bruises starting to appear already but considering how hard some of his hits had been he was probably lucky nothing was broken. Well, he was pretty sure nothing was broken.

Suddenly the water flowing over his body made the drastic and rather unpleasant change from hot to icy cold. "Ahh! Cold, COLD!" he yelped dancing out from under its spray, grabbing his towel from its nearby hook he wrapped it tightly around his middle and turned the water off, still a little shocked from the way he had been expelled from his silent musings. Turning around he faced yet another shock and jumped noticeably when he saw Hetty standing in the middle of the locker room, the _mens locker room._ "Uh, Hetty, how long have you been there? Why are you in the men's locker room? If... uh... if you don't mind me... um, asking?" Hetty was, as usual, taking her time to answer and all too aware of his current state of undress it made Deeks lose his train of thought briefly.

"I apologise for cutting your shower short Mr. Deeks but your needed upstairs in Ops, we need to decide our next move. Mr. Callen has spoken with me as I believe you are aware?" Hetty examined him over her glasses and he nodded before clearing his throat awkwardly and replying "Uh, yes, he- he said he'd speak with you about my involvement in the case"

"Correct. He has assured me he believes you capable of remaining objective enough to have a more active role in the case, I have agreed, but I will be watching Mr. Deeks. It is your own welfare and career I am concerned for but if I see anything I think crosses a line I am prepared to send you back to LAPD for the duration of the case if I need to. Am I clear?" "Yes, clear, very clear." He didn't want to risk messing something up by saying more, plus he was standing almost naked in front of one of the most intimidating people he had ever met and wasn't keen to prolong the experience.

Hetty seemed satisfied and nodded, "Good. Well get dressed quickly and come up to Ops, Kensi and Nell have returned and we need to decide where to go from here." Turning on her heel Hetty walked towards the door and Deeks let out a sigh of relief. He never wanted have a conversation with Hetty while clothed only in a towel, ever again. As she exited the room Hetty's voice echoed back to him, "Oh, and Mr. Deeks? Don't worry; I didn't see anything I haven't seen before."

* * *

After a couple of hours spent getting everyone up to speed and comparing notes on the interviews with the Bennett's Hetty noticed the time and ordered everyone to go home. There was nothing more to be done today and everyone needed to get some rest. Deeks was starting to feel the effects from his session with the heavy bag and found he couldn't complain at the thought of takeout and bed.

As everyone was filing out of Ops Eric, pulled Deeks aside and gave him a piece of paper with a number and some details on it. After Deeks looked confused at the paper Eric explained, "Joshua Davidson's number. Hetty made some calls, got him into a treatment facility not far from here. It specialises in returned service men and women with substance abuse problems, no fee and he's expected there in the morning. We thought you would like to make the call, let him know." Deeks had been staring at the paper in his hand and now looked up at Eric, pure appreciation all over his face. "Thank you. I'll make the call". Callen was right, this was his place and these incredible people his family, how lucky was he.

* * *

Deeks felt good after his call to Joshua, he'd made good on his promise to help the man get his life back on track, thanks in most part to Hetty and Eric. Walking out through the wooden double doors into the courtyard he saw Kensi sitting on the bonnet of her car waiting for him, playing a game on her phone.

Without looking up she said "Took you long enough, if you'd kept me waiting much longer I was going to send out a search party, figured not even you could get lost on the way from Ops to the front door."

Deeks chuckled, the high from helping Joshua still not dissipated completely. "Well if I didn't want to be found not even you could have tracked me down. I have secret ninja skills."

Kensi laughed sliding off her car and unlocking the door. "Ninja skills? Please, you barely have skills, let alone ninja skills".

Deeks loved the banter and occasionally liked to push it into dangerous territory, after all, he had to keep Kensi on her toes. "Kens, you have no idea the skills I have" he grinned at her suggestively prompting her to roll her eyes and pretend to vomit. He loved it when she did that it was so Kensi.

"So, are you really going to keep staying with me? I'm really fine Kensi there's no need. I'm a bit old to need a babysitter" Kensi rolled her eyes again at the word 'babysitter'.

"I'm staying until this case is done, I told you that, nothing's changed so get used to it. Besides babysitting involves payment of some kind as I recall, so if you're going to insist on calling it that I'll accept payment in the form of dinner?"

Deeks laughed again, he found it fascinating how she managed to worm her way into him buying dinner somehow. "Burgers?" He asked, knowing it was her favourite and noticing they were already headed there anyways. "Burgers" she confirmed, "Oh, and ice-cream for dessert". Upon reflection Deeks thought he could really get used to this.

* * *

**I love a bit of Densi cute-ness (like yesterdays ep :D). Please let me know if the chapter was good, bad or otherwise? xxx**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi everyone! Almost 3 months since my last update, i'll be amazed and extremely grateful if anyone out there is still reading this story. **

**I've had a, lets say _challenging_, few months, hence the delay in updating but hopefully things are looking up.**

**That said, i'd like to dedicate this chapter, indeed this story, to anyone who loves someone not capable of loving them back, speaks for those unable to speak for themselves and fights for those who either cannot or will not fight for their own lives.**

**Ok, on with the story, hope you enjoy xxx**

* * *

That evening Kensi and Deeks found themselves once again resting comfortably on Deeks' couch, bellies full after burgers, beer and cookies and cream ice-cream that Kensi had unsurprisingly managed to steal the vast majority of.

"How is it that we always seem to end up watching some ridiculously sappy chick-flick?" Deeks asked Kensi as his attention began to wander.

Kensi barely looked up, clearly completely entrenched in the classic boy-meets-girl story playing out on screen. "My choice in movies is the one thing I _don't_ hear you complain about Deeks," a small smile tugged the side of her mouth, "Honestly I'm starting to think you actualy _like_ the girly movies partner".

Deeks huffed out a disbelieving laugh and decided 'Operation distract and annoy Kensi' was a go. Acting as innocently as he was capable of, Deeks rose from the lounge as if to go get more beers and instead waited until she was once again engrossed in the movie before making his move.

Feet silent on the carpeted floor he snuck up behind her, noticing the remote resting next to her hand on the arm of her seat. Steal the remote and change the channel to something more interesting, that was the plan.

He moved cat-like and darted out his hand to snatch the remote control. As his fingers closed around the black plastic Deeks was so impressed with his speed that he was already celebrating his victory in his head when Kensi's hand darted out and latched firmly onto his wrist. _Shit! _Was all his had time to think before he was tumbling, quite literally head over heels, over the back of the couch and onto the floor at Kensi's feet.

She looked down at him, one eyebrow raised questioningly. Deeks ran through his options, no convincing lies came to him, besides she would probably just see straight through it anyway. "Ow?" He tried for the sympathy card. "Geez Kens, just trying to ... uh... change the ...remote batteries?" It was quite possibly the worst lie he had ever come up with but it still sounded better than _'I was bored so I decided to annoy you for fun' _so he went with it.

Kensi's eyebrows rose even further "Really? That's the story you're going with?" Deeks figured sticking with it was the safest option considering her reaction to his attempted theft of his own remote. "Um, yep, that's exactly what happened. Then you go all psycho-ninja on me and I end up on my own living room floor, over-reaction Kens!"

Kensi rolled her eyes at his dramatic groaning as he sat up. "Here you big baby", she took his hand to help him back up onto the couch, eyes narrowing when she noticed him wince.

"Deeks?" she kept hold of his hand and pulled it gently towards herself to get a better look. Examining the cuts, skinned knuckles and already colourful bruises she grimaced and glared at her partner, now sitting once again beside her on the couch.

"What happened?" she demanded, now examining his other hand. Despite the anger in her voice she was being surprisingly gentle and for a moment he was lost the sensation of her fingers, softly probing now for broken bones.

"It's nothing, and I'm pretty sure nothing's broken, its fine" Kensi looked up from his hands, glaring at him in a way that he would have found terrifying a couple of years ago.

"Fine?" she questioned, "Really? It's not nothing Deeks, what happened?"

"It really is nothing. I just got into it with the heavy bag today and apparently I should have stopped a little earlier than I did. I really am sure nothings broken, see?" He wiggled his fingers for her and made a fist to show no bones were broken. Unfortunately clenching his hands into fists like that made a few of the cuts on his knuckles reopen.

Kensi watched his hands start to bleed and rolled her eyes again clearly frustrated. Grabbing his wrist she dragged him off the couch and down the hallway into his bathroom muttering to herself. Occasionally words like '_Men!' _and _'Fine?'_ drifted back to him as he allowed himself to be towed. Protesting now would undoubtedly be more painful than just doing what she said, it generally was.

* * *

Deeks sat on the closed toilet seat while she washed and treated his hands in silence. He watched her work, he couldn't help himself.

She was angry with him, he could tell and for some reason that only made her more adorable to him. Her hair fell in waves over her shoulders, dark eyes focused on her task, her brow furrowed in concentration and teeth catching her bottom lip absentmindedly.

Kensi was his partner and so much more, he couldn't deny he wanted her; a growing part of him didn't want to deny it anymore. All he would have to do would be to lean forward, close the distance between them and...

"You're an idiot Deeks" Kensi's voice woke him from his dangerous daydream. "I leave you alone for a couple of hours, you could have really hurt yourself, why?" Kensi finished tending to his hands and stared down at him angrily.

"I wasn't really thinking, I –"

"That's right you weren't thinking" she cut him off backing away slightly so she was closer to the door, crossing her arms over her chest. "You could have broken something, how do you think you're going to stay on the case if you can't carry a weapon?"

Deeks looked down, he knew she was over reacting purely out of concern for him, just as he knew if he called her out on it she would run. "I'm sorry okay Kens? I didn't even realise I was hurt, I was so angry. I didn't think it was a big deal but I should have mentioned it."

Kensi looked mollified but still didn't speak, she seemed to be considering him. "C'mon Kens, I didn't mean to hurt myself, it was just the only way I knew to deal, you know?"

Kensi looked up at him finally and spoke "Yeah, I guess I do know. I'm sorry I went off at you, I just- don't do it again okay? I need you in one piece." Deeks seriously considered making a joke then but decided it really wasn't the moment so settled on a smile and a firm "Deal" before following Kensi back out into the living room.

* * *

In the early hours of the morning, while Kensi and Deeks were cosily snuggled sound asleep in bed, across town Joshua Davidson lay awake in his tiny one bedroom apartment.

He hadn't stopped shaking since he left his interview with NCIS earlier that day, he wasn't sure if it was because he had managed to not have a drink, because of the memories the interview had forced to the surface or because he was entering rehab the next morning.

He was scared, it had been a long time since Joshua had had to live without the numbing alcohol and he wasn't sure if he could handle life without it. But amongst the fear, for the first time since that overheard conversation all those years ago, there was hope. There was a glimmer of hope that maybe he could do it, get sober and actually start living instead of simply breathing.

That Detective, that Marty Deeks had made good on his promise to help him, he'd told him that he mattered. Tears gathered silently in the darkness and ran down the sides of his face before disappearing into his pillow; it had been so long since he felt like someone might give a damn if he lived or died.

He felt he owed it to Deeks to throw everything he had into making the most of the second chance he'd been given, then maybe one day Joshua could look in the mirror and see the worthwhile human being that Deeks saw.

* * *

Joshua woke early the next day despite managing barely a few hours of sleep. He knew what he had to do, to have any hope of recovery he wanted to confront the man that caused all this pain. First he made a quick call to an old buddy, still serving in the core, to ask a favour. All he wanted was a phone number. He'd meet with Bennett, say what he needed to say and be back in time for his ride to rehab. Ten minutes later he left his apartment, leaving his phone behind him in his haste.

* * *

**Oh dear, hope Joshua is ok ;) Let me know if your still reading ? xxx**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hi all! I'm glad there are still people reading and as promised... an update! And it hasn't even been 3 months this time :D**

**Thankyou to everyone who took the time to read and review, you're all amazing. A special thanks to the guest reviewers, i can't say thankyou via PM but my gratitude is no less.**

**This chapter switches back and forth a bit between Deeks and Joshua, i hope its clear which is which, if its confusing just let me know and i can put in thingies saying which part is who.**

**On with the story, hope you enjoy! xxx**

* * *

Traffic is light as he weaves his old beat up car through the early morning LA traffic.

Unable to stop the shaking that has taken over his entire body Joshua tries to put it out of his mind and focus on what he is going to say to the man who has tormented his existence for twenty long years. What do you even say to a man like that? What is there to say?

Joshua isn't sure, he just knows he has to look him in the eye and have him know what he's done.

* * *

Deeks wakes early just as the sun is thinking about creeping above the horizon and it makes him feel a little bit normal again. Before all this mess came up, getting up early for a surf was an everyday thing for him, sometimes he was sure it was all that kept him sane.

Silently he slipped out of bed taking a moment to pause at the door and watch Kensi fidget in her sleep, a small smile lighting his face.

Walking into the gradually lightening lounge room Deeks spies Monty dreaming in his doggy bed beside the couch. Once upon a time Monty always came with him for his morning exercise but as the years wore on and he got older Monty seemed to like getting up early about as much as Kensi did. Grabbing some sweats from the laundry, Deeks collected his board and happily headed out to his favourite beach.

* * *

Music plays on the radio, crackling annoyingly over the scratchy speakers but Joshua barely hears it. _I've been running away from this for so long, it's time to face up to it, face up to him_.

He's almost there now, where Bennett told him to meet. It's not the nicest part of the city by a long shot, no tourists with star maps here.

Broken fences litter the sidewalk, the boarded up windows of shops and abandoned houses make him shiver with thoughts of blind eyes, wide and staring.

Soon enough he turns off the road into a dusty driveway, the concrete cracked, entire pieces missing completely. Arriving at last at his destination he pulls up to what used to be a thriving car manufacturing factory, its windows broken, bleak redbrick walls brightened jarringly with splashes of colour from graffiti.

Joshua shuts off the engine and stares at the building, wondering if Bennett is already in there, wondering if he's alone. Joshua breathes slowly several times, in and out, mustering the last of his courage from somewhere deep within.

Making the decision, he gets out and crosses the short distance to the factory wondering what awaits him inside its dark walls.

* * *

The beach is deserted and Deeks is glad but unsurprised, it's not a popular spot as it can be hard to get to and isn't accessible all year round.

Filling his lungs with the fresh sea air he feels like he can actually breathe for the first time in days. The water is cold and as the waves rush over first his feet, then legs, then torso and it makes him feel alive.

He dives under an oncoming wave and it's as though the water is washing everything bad away, clearing his mind and leaving only the good things behind. Muscles actually hurt as they slowly relax after being so tense for so long, Deeks finds his rhythm, catching his first wave in days.

Paddling back out into the vastness of the ocean he decides that this is what life is all about, taking pleasure in the simple things, the simple moments that make everything worth it.

By now the sun is over the horizon, painting the ocean with its palette of gold, pinks and oranges, a small fishing boat the only break in the sea of colour.

Out past the breaking waves Deeks pauses a moment to admire the view, sitting on his board and thinking. The last few days had been all about the past and the drive for justice was still there but he could see a different destination now.

Joshua would testify and whatever Bennett came up with the lawyer in Deeks knew what a damning witness's testimony could do.

Whatever the outcome this case would end eventually and Deeks would still be Deeks and have a job he loved.

He would still have Callen and Sam looking out for him with teasing and banter.

He would still have Nell and Eric, the Wonder Twins quite literally watching his back.

He couldn't lose Hetty even he wanted to, his own personal ninja guardian angel, appearing out of nowhere and making everything right.

Kensi.

He didn't know what they were but he knew he would fight with every fibre of his being to keep it, whatever 'it' was.

Bennett had taken from many people, Deeks included, but he had no power anymore. At the end of the day Deeks was rich in ways that Bennett could never know the value of, his family at work and the simple joy of a surf at sunrise.

* * *

While it's a sunny LA morning outside, inside the old factory is dark. Power had clearly been cut long ago leaving the only source of light as the small windows high in walls of the big open factory floor.

Getting in wasn't a problem, scavengers having long since stripped the building of anything that could be sold for some easy cash and Joshua could see evidence of squatters that obviously used the building at night.

Nervously Joshua walked into the open, turning as he moved, trying to see if Bennett was here yet, eyes wide searching for any movement. He couldn't see anything in the shadows and the only sound was his shaky breaths and his heartbeat pounding in is ears.

"Bennett? You here?" Joshua hates the tremor he can hear in his voice as he speaks the hated man's name and silently berates himself for showing his fear.

For several moments there is nothing, the silence pressing in on him like a physical weight, then, a movement in the shadows under one of the overhanging walkways.

Swivelling so quickly he almost stumbles Joshua turns at the movement squinting into the darkness he can see a figure, beads of sweat break out all over his body as the silhouette solidifies as it moves into the light.

He's surprised how much Bennett hasn't changed, unsure as to what he was expecting, it certainly wasn't this, a man hardly changed after twenty odd years.

Bennett looked amused as his eyes swept over Joshua's form, casually sauntering towards him. "Joshua Davidson. I can see time has not been kind to you."

At hearing his name from Bennett's mouth, something snapped and Joshua found himself suddenly no longer afraid but angry. He stood up straighter, raising his chin defiantly he glared at Bennett as he stopped a couple of metres away, hands clenched into hard fists at his sides.

"Bennett." He spoke the name like a curse.

Rage coursed through his veins and it took every bit of self control he possessed to not just cross the distance and outright attack him.

"I came here to face you, you sonofabitch! You stole my life! Look at you, one man, you've done so much damage to so many people, good, innocent people."

Shaking his head fiercely his mind was clear. "Well not anymore, I'm doing what I should have done years ago."

Bennett rolled his eyes, still smirking, "And what is that, pleeease do tell?" Stretching out the 'please' sarcastically.

"I'm not hiding anymore, there's nothing else you can take from me. I'm gonna tell the world what you did, I'm gonna take you down and I'm gonna see you pay for what you've done."

Bennett sighed dramatically, smirk still firmly in place, the only difference a hard glint in his eye, "Hmm.. I'd be terrified I'm sure, if I had any idea what you're talking about. But I don't. Even if I did, no one's going to believe someone like you."

Step by tiny step, Bennett started edging closer as he continued his taunting.

"Look at you. Your existence doesn't matter, you're nothing, a nobody; in fact," he tapped his chin as if considering something then shrugged, "in fact, I think the air you're breathing right now is a waste of good air. And you know how I hate waste."

* * *

**Thanks for reading, sorry for the cliffhanger ;) xxx**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi everyone, so i know i probably sound a little like a broken record but i do apologise for the delay in updating, i was all on schedule to update a week after the last chapter then my poor laptop died a very sad death. Long story short i lost everything on it and am now writing on a borrowed computer that has its own special quirks. **

**As ever, thankyou to everyone still reading, especially those that review, favorite etc, the feedback is invaluable. Hope you enjoy! xxx**

* * *

Peter Bennett stared around the silent warehouse his sudden fury dissipating into the steady thrum or irritation. Stupid, idiotic Davidson, what did he think coming here would do? Now the weak bastard had made him so angry he'd lost control. The moron had actually agreed to meet him alone, too stupid to live really.

Bennett had lured him here to intimidate him, make sure he would keep his mouth shut, he'd not intended on killing him – after all bodies led to questions. It had never occurred to him that the previously compliant Davidson would not be easy to manipulate or scare into silence. Instead he had shown up here all defiant and proud, saying the things he had said. His only real course of action had become clear.

As the quiet rage built in him it was obvious Davidson couldn't be relied upon to keep his mouth shut, he would have to be dealt with. It was almost comical to Peter looking back on it, Davidson was too dense to realise he'd all but signed his own death warrant.

He breathed slowly and deeply, catching his breath after the effort of taking care of Davidson. It surprised him how hard the other man had fought, he'd even managed to land a few blows, perhaps he had found something worth fighting for after all.

Bennett did not regret the life he had taken, but it annoyed him that now he had this mess to clean up and the whole thing to cover up. It would take time he didn't have, NCIS would be all over this- all over him, if they found out Davidson was missing.

He needed something to buy him time to get rid of the evidence and come up with a plausible story. He would say he was with Anne, she would alibi him, she generally did whatever he said, which is why he kept her around.

Hastily wiping his hands on his jeans he dug into his pockets and pulled out his cell phone. Searching through his contacts he pondered which to call. He had men watching several of NCIS's people, he'd not been able to track all those he hoped for but he still had a few to choose from. What better distraction for NCIS than to lose one of their own. Finally making his selection he pressed the button and waited for his man to answer the call.

* * *

Kensi woke slowly from a peaceful sleep. Mind still foggy she blindly reached over to Deeks' side, patting the sheets, trying to find her shaggy partner.

Finding nothing but cold sheets she grudgingly opened her eyes, groaning when she found he had apparently been up for a while.

_Great_, she thought to herself, _he's gonna be all 'It's about time, Sleeping Beauty', just what I need, another stupid nickname_. Rolling her eyes at the thought yet another of what Deeks seemed to consider a term of endearment, she stretched out, enjoying the feeling on tired muscles.

Rolling out of bed she checked the time, still an hour or so before they would have to leave for work, on the bright side maybe Deeks had made breakfast for her again.

Mouth watering slightly at the idea, she walked out into the silent lounge room, petting Monty on the way to the kitchen. To her disappointed surprise Kensi found the kitchen empty, and upon further investigation, apart from her and Monty the house was deserted.

She was beginning to feel the first nervous tendrils of concern when she noticed his surfboard was also gone. _Surfing, of course. _Reassured she occupied herself with trying to work out Deeks' coffee maker, waiting for him to return.

* * *

Deeks lost track of time, losing himself to the rhythms of the ocean, effortlessly riding wave after wave and relishing in the cool water and salty spray.

Thrown back to reality by a sudden dumping he noticed how far above the horizon the sun had crept while he had been lost amongst the waves. Inwardly he sighed, not wanting to return to the real world just yet.

He shook his dripping blonde locks out of his eyes and smiled, a few more waves couldn't hurt right?

Paddling back out he saw the fishing boat he had noticed earlier, it really wasn't that far offshore, certainly swimming distance for someone confident in the water.

Concern furrowed his brow and he sat up on his board for a better look, there was smoke coming from the small craft.

Deeks' training kicked into gear instantly and as adrenaline thundered in his veins he paddled hard for the stricken vessel, he was closer to it than to land and people could be hurt. As he got closer he saw a figure waving at him, cries for help carried over the water's surface to his ears.

Finally reaching the boat he was helped aboard by a middle aged man, "Please, please help us! We borrowed this boat from a buddy now there's smoke coming from the engine."

Deeks tried to calm the man, "It's okay, it's going to be okay, is anyone hurt?"

The man looked panicked, "My brother he was trying to put out the fire but I think he got hurt, please you have to find him!"

"Where is he? If we can't take care of the fire we'll get to shore okay, but you need to stay calm" Deeks' mind was racing analysing his options, his priority was these people, if they could save the boat, fine, but he needed to get the civilians to safety.

The man who had helped him aboard led him to a small doorway that obviously led below, smoke was still billowing from the opening, and it was hard to see how the brother could be breathing down there. "He's down there, I-I couldn't get to him, please do something!"

"Okay, I'm gonna go get your brother, you see if you can't find a couple of life vests just in case we need to swim for shore. I have my board but it can't hurt"

Time was running out to get this guy some fresh air, making sure the first man was under control he took a deep breath and walked through the door way and down the short staircase. He had to crouch almost in half, partly because the ceiling was quite low, but mostly because the air was a little more breathable closer to the floor.

Moving as fast as possible in the darkness he felt his way around, he couldn't afford to waste air calling out to the man, besides, considering the size of the boat there couldn't be that much space to search.

Deeks stumbled slightly cursing the confusion the darkness and smoke brought. Regaining his footing he heard a noise from somewhere behind him, staring hard at where it had come from his eyes stung and he coughed on the thick smoke. He would have to go up for air soon if he didn't find something.

He decided on a last ditch effort to find the lost brother, dropping to his knees put his face right to the floor, trying for a last bit of breathable air.

Filling his lungs with air that, while far from clean, at least didn't make him choke, he spoke, voice a little rough from coughing "Hello? If you can hear me make a noise so I can find you". Deeks heard another sound, a low creaking and turned towards it hopeful he had found the lost brother alive.

Then everything went black.

* * *

**What is it with me an cliffhangers? Really don't mean to be mean! Hope you enjoyed xxx**


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